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Rosemary S.
Rosemary S., Human-Svs/Counseling
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Masters in Human-Svs- Counseling.
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my gf of 9 months just told me that she needs some time to

Resolved Question:

my gf of 9 months just told me that she needs some time to sort things out. we've done really well for the first 9 months but she mentioned just 2 weeks ago that she has been less exctited about the relationship lately. she is young (25) and clinically depressed. now that the weather is changing she exhibits more depression symptoms; crying regularly, etc. she is really confused about life and what she should be doing and says that she is bad at relationships for this reason among others. the day that we had this discussion she said she loved me and wanted to make sure that i knew that and that our seperation was not my fault. at her house when i dropped her off i was going to grab some movies of mine and she said "why are you grabbing the movies?" and then started crying, eluding to the fact that we are not over. i really don't think she wants this to be over but is going through a really dark time in her life. i have been neglecting my stuff (yoga, meditation) over the past 2-3 months in an effort to do what i can for her. i feel that this may have dimmed my internal light and perhaps caused the feelings to dip. subsequently i think this has made me too available and i come off as indecisive or wishy washy. i know this is obscure but i'm just looking for advise on how to proceed.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rosemary S. replied 7 years ago.






You mentioned in your comments that you feel your girlfriend is 'clinically depressed.' Is this your own opinion, or has she been diagnosed by a 'mental health professional' already?


If either of you are mental health professionals, it still may be wise to seek some counseling from other professionals outside your relationship.


If neither of you have not sought professional counseling, below are some suggestions that you may find helpful.


It seems from your comments that you both may be feeling some uncertainty, and confusion, in regard to your relationship.


It appears from what you described in your comments, that perhaps the current situation may be 'too complex, and/or serious,' for either of you to handle without the proper outside professional help.


It is okay to ask for outside professional help.


It appears that you have realized this already. I am happy that you have elected to seek a neutral professional opinion at 'Just Answer.' This is a good start.


However, as stated above, it is time to consider allowing other professionals to further help both you, as well as your girlfriend. I am hoping that you will both decide to seek some professional help, immediately.


A good place to start is to contact your 'personal physicians,' or maybe a 'referral service' at a nearby hospital. Perhaps either the 'physicians,' or 'referral service,' would be able to recommend competent 'mental health professionals' to begin working with both of you individually, or together as a couple.


If financial affordability is an issue, then please be certain to mention this when seeking a referral. This way, maybe they will be able to find competent 'mental heath professionals' who charge more reasonable fees.


Also, maybe the 'referral service,' or 'physician,' would be able to recommend a 'not-for-profit counseling center,' where the two of you could receive some quality counseling at a more affordable fee. Some centers provide an array of counseling services with more reasonable fees, if any at all. (Such as individual, group, and couples counseling. Also, this may include a variety of 'support groups.' *Every center is different, and the services, and fees, may vary.)


In addition, as stated above, your comments appear to indicate that for the most part, both you and your girlfriend are still uncertain as to whether or not, you will remain together as a couple, at least at present. If this is the case, as mentioned above, perhaps the sources I suggested, would be able to also recommend a 'support group for couples.' This may be helpful in addition to any individual, or couples counseling, the two of you may choose to receive. Peer support can also be very beneficial.


All of these options may be useful in helping you and your girlfriend sort out some issues, concerns, and perhaps future decisions, regarding whether you both decide to remain together as a couple.


Also, you mentioned in your comments that you have been 'neglecting' areas in your own life in order to help your girlfriend. You need to begin getting your own life on track as soon as possible. It will not serve either you, or your girlfriend, any purpose if you allow areas in your own life to become seriously neglected.


As stated above, you and your girlfriend need to begin getting professional help regarding this matter immediately.


If the situation should escalate into an 'emergency,' then of course you could always call 911. Also, you can phone, and/or contact, your local police department, or seek help at a nearby hospital emergency room. Remember these 'immediate options' if an emergency should arise.


Lastly, the two you may want to consider not making any 'permanent decisions' regarding the 'future' of your relationship, until you have both have had an opportunity to seek the professional help I suggested above.


I hope the suggestions, and the opinions stated above, will be helpful to you and your girlfriend.


Good luck!, and best wishes.

Rosemary S.



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*If you find this information to be helpful, then please click 'accept.' Otherwise, I will not be financially compensated for the time, and effort, I spent on answering this question. Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX good luck.

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