It appears that you are an individual who has endured a 'serious personal tragedy' during these last several months.
I think it is wise on your part to recognize this, as you are seeking a neutral third party opinion at 'Just Answer.' This is a good start.
It also appears that perhaps there is some uncertainty, and/or confusion, as to whether or not, you and your ex-boyfriend have any type of a future together.
(Even under more positive circumstances, this is a common concern, you are not alone.)
Although it appears that the two of you are currently having some regular dialogue, perhaps there is some uncertainty, and/or confusion, by both of you in regard to your feelings for one another, as well as if the two of you have a future together as 'a couple.'
(I assume from your comments that when the two of you sat down and talked about 'it,' you were referring in part, to the personal tragedy you outlined in your question.)
I urge you to consider seeking some in-person 'professional counseling,' as soon as possible.
I strongly suggest, you begin making inquiries regarding receiving some professional counseling immediately. (Given the severity of the experiences you have recently endured.)
The 'mental health professional' may help you discover other feelings you could be unaware of, that you may be currently experiencing.
After what you have recently endured, it is okay to seek 'professional help' in 'working through' the 'healing process.'
You may want to start by contacting a local hospital in your area. Perhaps they have a 'referral service,' where they would be able to recommend a competent 'mental health professional.'
You may also want to contact your 'personal physician.' Perhaps he, or she, can recommend a 'mental health professional.'
If financial affordability is an issue, please be certain to mention this. Perhaps they can recommend a 'mental health professional' who would charge a more reasonable fee.
Also, maybe either the 'referral service' or your 'physician,' would be able to recommend a 'not-for-profit counseling center' in your area, where you could receive some quality counseling at a more affordable fee. (*Some centers may provide individual, couples, and group counseling, at more affordable fees. This may vary.)
In addition, another idea, is possibly joining a 'support group' where you could discuss what you have experienced with other people who may have experienced a similar situation. This could be useful, perhaps in addition, to any individual counseling you may seek. Peer support can also be very beneficial.
Maybe the 'referral service,' your 'physician,' and/or 'counseling center,' could recommend a 'support group' for you as well.
Lastly, maybe both you, and your ex-boyfriend, could consider seeking some 'couples counseling,' or both participate in a 'support group' together. (Perhaps the sources suggested above could recommend one.)
I say this because, as stated above, it appears from your question that perhaps both you, and your ex-boyfriend, are experiencing an array of feelings which have yet to be uncovered.
Although you have experienced both the physical pain, as well as the emotional pain, your ex-boyfriend has also suffered a loss as well.
Perhaps the options suggested above, would be able to help either you alone, or both of you, in determining if you would have any type of a future together.
Maybe after what you both have recently experienced, it is too soon for either of you to know what you want during this difficult time. This is certainly understandable.
Perhaps you both need some time to work through the 'healing process' with the 'proper professional help,' either separately, or together, before making any important decisions.
(Which could have an impact on both of your futures.)
Good luck!, and best wishes.
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