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Rosemary S.
Rosemary S., Human-Svs/Counseling
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6
Experience:  Masters in Human-Svs- Counseling.
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I am so attracted adn connected to a man i work with. He is

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I am so attracted and connected to a man i work with. He is married but unhappy. His wife has TBI and I know he is not happy but is duty bound. He would never cheat . He is pretty reserved with everyone except me. He is playful with me and everyone says he lights up when i am around. I feel an intense connection. I told him and he said he was attracted to me and he trusted and respected me more than anyone. I asked him if he had a crush on me and he said no not in a lets play way but then made the "I am the right guy for you comment. He is intense with me, an intellect, allows me to touch him but noone else, has kissed me on the forehead, and seeks me out. He is very private but I know quite a bit because we chat often at work. He said I reminded him of his sister. He said "dont get me wrong I am the right guy for you. So many mixed messages. IS the sister thing a facade? If I feel the intensity and everyone picks up on it does it exist on his end even if he wont come out and say it because he is married and has a good moral compass. He is a Psychologist but very emotionally withholding.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rosemary S. replied 4 years ago.

10-12-09

 

 

Hi:

 

Perhaps he does feel an attraction towards you, perhaps not. The main point here is that he is married.

 

It appears you may be reading too much into the comments he had made, or behaviors he has displayed.

 

If not, a few friendly comments in the office does not mean he will leave his wife.

It does not mean that he doesn't love his wife.

 

Unless you actually live with this man and his wife, you do not really know what is going on inside their home.

 

As long as he is married, perhaps it would be better if you looked for someone else for companionship.

 

In my opinion, it is better not to get started in a situation like this.

 

If you are lonely, perhaps you can join a dating service, (Make certain that they conduct thorough background checks and /or screenings, before you sign up.)

 

Also, perhaps there are clubs and organizations you can join in your community. This can be a great way to meet others.

 

Maybe you could look to join a 'support group' with other people who are still single. Many hospitals and healthcare facilities have 'referral services.'

 

If money is an issue, please mention this. Perhaps the 'referral service' could find a 'support group' where the fees will not be expensive, if any at all.

 

Finally, if you are unable to stop hoping to have a relationship with this man, maybe it would be best to start 'viewing the classifies' to look for another job.

 

You may want to seriously consider finding a new job, where you won't be confronted with this temptation everyday.

 

If not, if you do not want to relocate to another position, then you need to come to terms with the situation.

 

It appears from your comments that this man is devoted to his wife, and he does not want to leave her.

 

Further, as stated above, perhaps you are reading too much into the comments, and behaviors, he has made. This is a common mistake that many people make, you

are not alone.

 

With all of the time and effort you are spending thinking about this married man, there could be plenty of other wonderful men out there who are single, that you are allowing to pass you by.

 

You seem like a warm and highly intelligent individual, that I am certain many terrific men who are single, would find attractive.

 

You need to give yourself a chance.

 

Good luck!, and best wishes.

Rosemary S.

 

 

Legal Disclaimer: The information provided above, is general information only and is not intended to serve as a long, or short term, professional relationship. By providing the above information, I am not engaging in a 'relationship designee - client relationship' with you. The above information is only intended to provide general information. The fee that you may pay me, is for general information only. No part of this disclaimer can be reproduced, or copied, without the express consent of Rosemary S., the owner.

 

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Rosemanry, You never even answered my question. You are so caught up with the "married status" that you made recommendations based on his marital status. You then gave me steps to take that revolved around an opinion based on him being married. I didnt ask if it was morally right, I didnt ask if he would leave his wife, or if I would be able to date him. My question was simple. I know he won't leave his wife, I know we will never date, I know he LOVES HER BUT IS NOT IN LOVE WITH HER OR HAPPY. I know he would never stray. Im not reading anything into his comments, I am asking if a person that feels a strong connection/attraction to another despite married status, despite what fate has given them, if the other person is likely to feel it also even if they wont fully say it BECAUSE THEY KNOW it is not ok. You made many assumptions, I am not lonely I am fulfilled, I am not letting people pass me by, not obsessed with this guy, and certainly would not leave a position I love because of a feeling. It is the action that can devestate, not the feeling itself. There is no logic to feelings only to what we do with those feelings.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Your main point when answering was based on him being a married man. That wasn't my question an dI don't need to know about the stupidity in involving myself with a married man, I know it already. I gave you examples of his comments, I gave you an example of what he was like, and I asked IS the sister thing a facade? If I feel the intensity and everyone picks up on it does it exist on his end even if he wont come out and say it because he is married and has a good moral compass?
Expert:  Rosemary S. replied 4 years ago.

10-12-09

 

Hi:

 

I am in receipt of your two replies. As requested, I am replying to your

response request.

 

My intent was not to make anyone feel uncomfortable or defensive.

 

I only had your best interest in mind when I answered your question.

 

I would suggest that you re-read my answer. It was not meant to judge you,

or make you feel angry. It was only meant to help you.

 

I have reviewed your question again, and I feel that I offered the correct opinion.

I can only reply to what is written in the question. As stated above, my intent was

to be helpful, and provide you with some information that you would find useful.

 

You have mentioned in one of your replies that you love your job, and would not leave it over a feeling.

 

Also, you mentioned that 'other people have picked up on the intensity between you and this man.'

 

Although I am not certain as to how this got started, you may want to be mindful not to engage in any discussions about this matter with your co-workers. If you have not thus far, this is good.

 

In offices, sometimes 'false rumors' get started and innocent people wind up having their reputations ruined. You do not want to find yourself in a situation where untrue gossip and rumors will begin being spread about you and this man. This could place any employee's job security in serious jeopardy.

 

In regard to the other question you posed in one of your replies regarding is it possible for someone to have strong feeling for someone else but won't say so because they know it is not okay?

 

Of course, in 'general terms', yes it is. Although I am not certain if this applies to your situation. But 'generally speaking,' of course it is possible.

 

I have no way of knowing if the comment he made about his sister is true, or just a facade. I do not want to focus on 'he said - she said.' In my opinion, this would not be helpful to you. It would be counterproductive.

 

As stated above, I hope my answers have been helpful. I only had the best of intentions when I answered them. They were not meant to pass judgement on you, or make you feel defensive.

 

In addition, sometimes it may be helpful to discuss your feelings with a 'mental health professional' in-person.

 

Perhaps the hospital in your area has a 'referral service,' or your 'primary care physician,' can help you find a 'competent mental health professional' who can address your concerns.

 

You may want to consider contacting a referral service, and/or a physician, who have no affiliation with the work place where you are currently employed. This can help keep the matter more private, and not interfere with your job. This is just a helpful suggestion.

 

Also, perhaps another expert at 'Just Answer' could provide you with another insight to your questions.

 

What is wonderful about 'Just Answer' is that they have several relationship, as well as mental health experts. Sometimes different perspectives can also be very beneficial.

 

Good luck!, and best wishes.

Rosemary S.

 

 

Legal Disclaimer: The information provided above, is general information only and is not intended to serve as a long, or short term, professional relationship. By providing the above information, I am not engaging in a 'relationship designee - client relationship' with you. The above information is only intended to provide general information. The fee that you may pay me, is for general information only. No part of this disclaimer can be reproduced, or copied, without the express consent of Rosemary S., the owner.

 

 

 

 

Rosemary S., Human-Svs/Counseling
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6
Experience: Masters in Human-Svs- Counseling.
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