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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  PHD LPC
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My husband is a 55 year old gynaecologist.He is a workaholic

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My husband is a 55 year old gynaecologist.He is a workaholic and is very busy.He had a heart attack 5 years ago. He is very driven and has an autocratic personality at home.Recently he moved out of our home into his own apartment and left me at home with our 2 children who are 17 and 14. He comes and goes, sometimes he sleeps at our house and sometimes at his apartment. He says he is depressed. He takes a lot of medication for his heart and takes anti-anxiety tablets to sleep every day.He says he does not want a divorce but time to find himself. I think he has irritable male syndrome as described by Jed Diamond. I want to know how do I handle this. Must I just wait and be patient.It is causing me a lot of emotional pain and sometimes im understanding and sometimes i shout at him for doing this to us. How long does this irritable male syndrome last. Apparently due to low testosterone men become unpredictable,irritable and moody which I think is what my husband has.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 7 years ago.
Hi and welcome

It has been a year since he has moved out and he doesn't want a divorce, comes and goes as he pleases, stays with you sometimes, and needs to find himself. As you know reasoning doesn't work. He take meds for anxiety. I would suggest marriage counseling which he may refuse. If he is depressed he needs to see a psychiatrist and as a physician himself he may feel he can handle it alone. The worst patients are physicians.
If he won't go to counseling you should go alone to figure out how long you are going to put up with this lifestyle. It's not fair to you or your children. Why would he come back home when he can come and go as he pleases? He has the best set up right now, it's all about him, depressed or not. I would put the focus on you and ask you what you want to do. You ask if men come back to their families, yes some do but is this what you want to live with, a cranky, irritable moody man? You might want to very calmly step back and tell him he can't come back until he sees a psychiatrist. You and your children have put off being a family long enough. Yes he had a heart attack, which is a very concrete reminder of his mortality and he needs to deal with his depression but you also need to live and catering to his behavior is not healthly for you. I hope this helps.
Dr. Keane
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Edited by Dr. Keane on 10/12/2009 at 12:29 PM EST
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