Violence is a difficult thing to live with. You are correct, just because someone had been abused does not mean that is what they ought to do later on.
Life gives people a chance to learn. He having recollections of his own past could have chosen to behave the opposite yet, had not.
What you are describing fits the cycle of abuse . An incident of abuse takes place, the man promises that he will change or do better, after some time the abuse starts and then back in the same cycle over and over.
People do not change easily. So, if he had gone to therapy - great. It takes a lot more for a person to change and it takes time for sure. Unless you are willing to live in fear, in an abusive relationship (because love is non abusive period)
"I am so confused I feel I should have given him a chance."
Perhaps you ought to give yourself a chance to be free, loved and taken care of and respected as an individual and a woman. That is within your control.
I regret to be the bearer of this news but abusive men do not change easily and the women continue to suffer unless they decide they need a happier and a healthier partner.
Thank you very much for the answer.
I am really confused now because he never hit me again, but just tore my shirt once. Also for some reason when we got into an argument, I got so angry at him and yell at him that I think it is partly my fault, that I am the one hurting him. He told me I treat him like a dog and I need to get into anger management class.
I agree I have to, but in the meantime, I think being together will cause so much damage. He could not understand this and blame me for running away, saying that I am the bad person for finding more faults just so I can get away from this relationship. He made me feel so guilty.
I am not one to stay long in a relationship so I thought it was my fault, too.
I guess my question is:
1. Is it still abuse if he tore my t-shirt just a little bit? Usually abusive situations escalate, but this time, it is better, so should I give him a chance?
2. Am I really the kind of girl who runs away from a relationship or is there a legitimate reason?
3. If he says he will change, and it will take time, that means I have to break up with him anyway right, since in the meantime he will be abusive anyway?
It is never one's fault to be abused. Abuse does not have space in any relationship. Even if you had made some mistakes (everyone does/no one is perfect) still there is no need for physical abuse.
The questions 2+3 that you had posted are something you need to arrive at an answer by yourself. In regard to #1 - yes it is abusive (if another individual does this to someone else, it is a battery and a chargeable offense)