How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dr Rossi Your Own Question

Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
19260254
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Dr Rossi is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I am a 40 year old divorced single father of two boys ages

Resolved Question:

I am a 40 year old divorced single father of two boys ages 7 and 9. I have finally moved on with my life and have met a wonderful woman who is also divorced. She is 45 years old and has 3 children ages 20, 23 and 25. This woman is stunningly attractive, and I was shocked to learn that she considers herself "fat". While she has curves, looking at her one would never consider her to look overweight. However I guess she used to be "skinner" and her ex husband specifically has told her that that her getting "fat" was the reason for his affairs. ( he is an idiot )

Anyway, I'm not really sure what to tell her. I have told her that she is beautiful and that she is not fat and that her ex is an idiot. She has started this new diet that requires some sort of injections, she has to eat tons of calories for like 3 days, then is only allowed to eat certain foods after that. Apparently it has worked well for her sister in law.

What is the best way I can support my girlfriend?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 4 years ago.

Good Morning,

 

The best way is to be open and to listen to her (if someone has a strong belief about their body image especially, it is very difficult to persuade them otherwise) It is possible that she may be bulimic (but no info here lists those symptoms)

You may gently point out to her that the fact remains that he had left, that you do not see what he had seen (a problem with her weight) and ask her if she thinks that perhaps since her ex was not able to be honest with himself and focus on his own reason he had used her as an escape goat and dumped the responsibility onto her.

In reality, no other person can make someone do something and on some level she ought to know that he had done what he had done due to his own choice.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

What I worry about relates to the experience I had with my ex, where she did gain so much weight. I never complained and in fact didn't see her as fat. ( my ex wife was a very beautifull woman and did in fact gain a tremendous amount of weight ) My ex, later blamed me for "letting her get fat." Now while I realize that a woman's weight gain is not my resposibilty, I worry about, being so supportive to my girlfriend, that she won't have the desire to lose the weight that she wants. And then later, be unhappy because of that. But then I worry about encouraging her to do her diet, thinking that that will support her fears that she needs to lose weight to maintain my love.

 

Everything thus far about our relationship is healthy, but this is something I worry about simply because of the experience with my ex.

Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 4 years ago.

In either situation you can not be fully responsible for what each woman choses to do or not do. You may just have to let things go and see what comes out of it and try not to worry much because worry won't change anything except make you stressed out and she can detect that (and mistakenly may assume that it is because of her)

Just try to accept that each person will do what they believe will make them happy and satisfied and it is ultimately their decision. It would be helpful to focus on something else instead and just let her deal with the diet at this time.

Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience: Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
Dr Rossi and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 

Related Relationship Questions