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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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I have been chatting to a friend of a friend for about a year

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I have been chatting to a friend of a friend for about a year now. Before it was a weekly email, then got daily since feb this year partly coz he got made redundant from his high flying banking job. I've been a shoulder for him and in between we have developed feelings for each other just thru email and phone. A few weeks ago, he said he loved me and says I am for keeps - especially since I said I was not one of his one nighters. He has been a batchelor in NY for 10 yrs and has many girl friends and relationships including one nighters. He says now that he is commiting himself to me, he is not going to fool around. Can I believe him? Are such men really capable of making this shift. He is 35 - never married. I'm 38 and divorced and from a more conservative back ground. Mind you, he did have a fling in June which he told me abt - saying that at that point we were just friends. I know he is mellow and is obviously feeling this need to settle down esp since he had a recent reunion with his mates and they are all married now with kids. We have not seen eachother in 2 yrs. And he is unable to travel at the moment due to passport issues, but he also has not made any commitments for me to visit him - even though I offered. He is in NY and I am in london. How can I get greater confidence in knowing how dedicated and truthful he is? I have been divorced 6 yrs and find he is the first person that I think I could remarry.

Good Evening,


you have mentioned several important things-

1 the man in question having had one night stands and/or multiple shallow relationships

2 he has never been married and possibly seeking to get married to keep up with peer pressure

3 the fact that you have been living apart and/or not seen each other for some time

4 he had had an intimate encounter in June


As far as being able to trust him, that is something you will have to decide. Past behavior is a predictor of future behavior. Hence, if a person had now learned and shown that they are both willing and capable of behaving otherwise, you may continue to run into the same patters with him. The question to ask yourself is what is it that you feel he is going to be able to offer you if not fidelity and honesty in a relationship and if it is worth it.

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