It seems that you have some insight as to what is causing discord in the relationship.
In order for any relationship to work, each party has to know how to compromise (you've mentioned that both of you would like to be in control) As a couple, you may want to find out if the things that you are trying to control are minute and worth the struggle.
Other issues you've mentioned is that she holds on to things of the past and has difficulties trusting you. That is not healthy. It is good that she is receiving individual counseling.
What would be helpful though is to have some couple's therapy.