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Walter, Relationship Mentor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 11528
Experience:  Mentoring couples on relationship issue and self understanding. (JA's Relationship Mentor)
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I am a lesbian, my girlfriend just dumped me. She is separated

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I am a lesbian, my girlfriend just dumped me. She is separated from her husband, they are not getting back together. She has had a few girlfriends before me, but is confused about her sexuality. She says she loves me but needs time appart. Cant see herself settling down with a woman. Her head is saying man her heart me. She is out to her work colleagues and have met her children as her partner, but she hasnt told her husband. She says she misses family life and the security of marriage. Was hoping to get her back after she has had time out, I know she is mixed up, but she has been giving me mixed signals too like our relationship is on hold and to be friends for now. What should I do.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Walter replied 7 years ago.



The best thing you can do is give her space, be her friend and allow her to find herself. The reality is she sounds like she is confused on who she is and is confusing that with who she "wants to be" This is pretty common in people who have lived one lifestyle for a long period of time and then learns or accepts they may be something else. This can be very confusing, frighting and even traumatic so the last thing you want to do is pressure her one way or the other.


Only she can accept who she is, and until she learns that who she is and who she wants to be is two different things she is going to struggle in any relationship wither that be with a man or a women. Some people find the change in lifestyle to be libertating and almost like a freedom of what they forced themselves to be, others find it confusing since they still "want" to be what they think is "normal" in society. Until she learns that she can still have the security in your relationship she is going to visualize security as "with a man". The good news is while this may be hard for you, if you really care for her and want what is best for her she will accept who she really is and make that choice.


I would suggest that you give her space, be her friend and encourage her to consider therapy with a therapist that is familiar with these issues. (The last thing you want is her to speak with someone who is hung up in "society's views of normal") A good therapist will help her learn and accept who she is and separate that from what she thinks she should be.


If you want to discuss this further please let me know.



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