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Walter, Relationship Mentor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 11528
Experience:  Mentoring couples on relationship issue and self understanding. (JA's Relationship Mentor)
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I am married and have been having an affair with a married

Customer Question

I am married and have been having an affair with a married man for almost a year. The affair involves chatting online for 1-2 hrs nearly everyday and weekly intimate encounters. I am emotionally involved with him and I think about this man constantly. He has told me that he loves me, thinks about me constantly, but will not leave his family because he has 3 very young children. I thought I loved him, but he seems to be more of an addiction to me. I tried to break it off with him several times, but I become extremely sad and depressed knowing I wouldn't have his attention.    Help!
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Walter replied 5 years ago.



The first thing you need to do is accept the fact that this relationship is going no where. No matter how much you love him, or how much he loves you the fact of the matter remains that he has a responsibility to his children and his wife.......and one that he has openly admitted to you. He has already made the decision that his wife and children mean more to him then your relationship, now its your turn to walk away and start a healthy relationship with someone who will value you more then anything else.


I know it is hard, but the fact remains that you are involved with a married man, should his wife find out you will be ultimately a responsible party in breaking up their family and causing pain and trauma to these need to sit down and put yourself in his wife's shoes. How would you feel if your husband, the man who vowed to love honor and support you was having a affair behind you and your children's back? The fact is this is not fair to you, him, his wife and more then anything else these innocent children who simply want a normal healthy family.


Your wanting help, but the fact is it is far easier to walk away then your giving yourself credit for. You can make a hundred excuses about why you keep at it, about how it is a addiction or you love him but at the end of the day you stay with him because you care for him and don't want to give it up. Until you make the choice to stand firm and walk away this will continue. The fact is he has his cake and is eating it as well.........he has already told you that he will never make a future with you, and your still giving him what he wants. This is a win win situation for it is with most men who cheat. Of course they will never leave their wife's, and until the mistress decides she has had enough he will continue to use both his wife and you.


Your answer is really more simple then you think, you simply send him a email and tell him its over. Ask him not to contact you ever again. Then stand firm, block his email from your account and change your phone number. If he shows up at your place firmly tell him to go home to his wife and shut the door. The only good thing about married men is they get the message rather quickly..........the fact is he will not want to upset you in anyway for fear you would tell his wife. So when you cut him off he will go away rather quickly.


Will it be easy? Of course not, if it was you would have already left him. But if your firm and stand up for yourself it is not as hard as you think it is. There is no need to spend the best years of your life tied down to a man you can not have a future with. And the reality is that men who cheat almost always end up leaving the mistress for a new one within the first 2-3 years. The last thing you want to do is waste anymore of your life holding onto something that does not belong to you. Now is the time to find a man who can love you freely and openly, someone you can have a future with.



Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I don't want to hurt this man because he and I have become close friends and confidants. He tells me I am part of his "inner circle". I'm dealing with a huge amount of anxiety at the thought of breaking it off with him because I feel he has this strong emotional hold over me. Could you give me some advice on how to move on with my life?
Expert:  Walter replied 5 years ago.
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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I would like a female perspective on this. Do you have female counselors?
Expert:  Walter replied 5 years ago.



I will opt out and see if any of our other experts can help.



Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thank you

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