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Anna, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1945
Experience:  29 years experience in addictions & mental health. I'll tell you my honest opinion.
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My boyfriend & I have been together for almost 3 years (will

Customer Question

My boyfriend & I have been together for almost 3 years (will be 3 years on Oct 19th) and have lived together for 2 years now. We have a great realationship and have talked about marriage, kids...the whole deal. We both want the same things but as can happen with men and women our timelines are different. I have been ready for a while but after a serious chat last fall and we compromised on the time frame. I would wait a bit longer than I wanted and he would bring his timeline closer. We agreed that 6 to 9 months to get engaged would be a timeframe we were both comfortable with. Well that put us at the end of summer beginning of September...which has come & gone. We have talked about it again and he says we are still "on track" but what exactly that means is a mystery. I am trying to play it cool and wait for the proposal but how long is to long to wait? Either he is willing to make that commitment or he is not...
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Anna replied 7 years ago.
Hey sljgemini,

   Welcome to Just Answers.

I can hear that you're disappointed in him for not honoring your compromise. He says you're still on track, but you feel derailed. This isn't a good thing for you to play it cool for very long. Take the mystery out of the equation and talk about it directly. You deserve that level of respect - from both of you to both of you.

     I'm reminded of a saying "He who is convinced against his will is of the same opinion still." I hope this isn't the case for you, but it could be. If so, it isn't the way to go into a marriage. You sound like the proposal is some gift he's "giving" you, when in real life it's an agreement between two adults. If he's not asking, he's got a reason for it, and it may be one that you don't want to hear.

     On the good side, maybe he's just scared and needs you to take the lead. Give it a try and speak directly to him about what you want. Only then will he have the chance to say yes or no to you.

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