The text messages are obviously a big issue, the fact is she knew this upset you but continued to do so. Her actions after knowing she was caught though lead me to suspect that there is nothing going on with this guy other then friendship. Keep in mind that with you being so far away she may have latched onto him as a friend and the first time you caught her she likely figured that it really was not a big deal since she was not being unfaithful but she did not want to lose him as a friend.
Her adding all that stuff on her face book and her actions is her way of trying to show you that she loves you and that there is no real need to worry. Of course that's not helping since she continued to converse with him and simply hide it.
If there was not so much pressure with you planning on moving I would tell you to wait it out, typically when a women is hiding things she eventually drops out of the relationship she is currently in..........even more so when it is long distance. But the fact that she continues wanting to show you she loves you and she became so overly upset shows that she loves you a great deal and does not want to lose you.
The problem is she was dishonest, and with such a big move coming about it could become a problem if she continues after you move. While this is likely a simple friend.....there is the chance that it is something more. I think she did not become angry the next day as she really feels guilty about it. She knows what she did was wrong.....and is hoping you will move on and forgive her.
Typically when someone is cheating they become defensive, angry that they were caught and often have a hundred excuses why you should not have checked up on them. She did not do this, which tells me this is 100% friendship, but one she did not want to end for what ever reason.
All relationships have bumps, and ones that are long distance have the BIGGEST bumps. The fact is you are 3,000 miles away, and most women find it hard to not have any attention. She likely found him as a friend who would give her attention and time and latched on without thinking of how it would upset you this much. But in the end she found it hard to end it because she still needed him as a friend.
The fact that she did tell him not to text her anymore, and did update her face book is a good indication that she is being honest with you about her relationship with him. Comments like "How is the princess doing" etc is not necessarily a good indication of anything more then friendship.
At this point I would consider how you feel about all this, I would suggest at the next trip you sit down and talk with her about it. Let her know why this bothered you and let her express her own reasons to you. Keep in mind that she is your partner......and as a partner should be trusted. While she should have been honest, you have to give her trust as well. Just because she is friends with a guy does not mean she is being unfaithful.
Being in a long distance relationship is hard, and it has its ups and downs just like any relationship but you have to learn to trust her if you are going to move there and be with her.
Trust is a big issue for most anyone, the fact is as a society we condone unfaithfulness more and more and then we all suffer when we can not trust those we love.
The biggest tip is to understand that trust is not something anyone can give.....it is something that you earn over time when each person has done everything they should. The problem is trust is hard to give when someone has been dishonest with you. Your natural reaction is to worry and giving trust after that is difficult.
Though the good news is it is something you can give......if your willing to try. The first step is to admit that you must learn to trust again. All to often we tell ourselves that no one can be faithful and therefor we should not have to risk our own heart by giving that trust. The fact is we hurt ourselves more deeply when we never learn to trust someone. So the first step is to sit down and admit why you need to learn to trust and let yourself know that you can trust someone.
The second step is to acknowledge that not everyone is perfect, but that does not mean they are going to hurt us. Yes sometimes the ones we love are going to lie to us..........accepting that is the first step. One white lie, isn't a good enough reason to not give trust. Unless there is a real betrayal try to be understanding of the little things. We all have little things that we do not share, sometimes this is because we feel we are doing nothing wrong and by not admitting to it we are saving our loved ones from fear. In your girlfriends case, she already knew this was going to upset you....so therefor she lied in order to prevent you from not trusting her. When in reality what she was doing was nothing more then being friends.
Give trust to others.........this is the big key. Trust others with your feelings. Let them know your deep secrets. By sharing your real feelings they are more apt to trust you and therefor you will learn to trust each other. Trust is a two way street, if she feels that you do not trust her then she is never going to fully trust you. In return, you will not trust her even more. Give trust......and it will always come back to you.
And the biggest tip is do not allow yourself to fear trust..........right now you are letting the hurt your ex gave you to stop you from trusting again. The fact is while your ex hurt you, you did get over it. And should it happen again you will get over it again. Yes it hurts, but like anything else you can not stop living your life out of fear.
A perfect example is:
If you went to work and got robbed at work would you never get another job?
The fact is bad things happen in life, but we can not allow the fear of it happening again cause us to stop living. And in reality when you refuse to give trust you have stopped living. Of course there are some risks, allow yourself to look at it for what it is. There are risks, but the rewards are far greater then the risk of a little bit of hurt.
Your very welcome, most guys would tell you to dump her because most guys have never learned to fully trust. In this case I would tell you to continue, but do so carefully and keep your eyes open. You can learn to trust without closing your eyes. To many people think trust means closing your eyes and trusting to never get hurt......which is crazy! The reality is you learn to trust, but if something isn't looking right then you need to question it. In this case, work on trusting her but keep a eye on her behavior as well. In the end I think this is more a friendship issue.
Nothing is wrong with keeping your eyes open, those who do not are the ones who often find themselves in a bad position at the end of the day. Just do not confuse keeping your eyes open with never trusting.
Sometimes over thinking can help, but do not allow yourself to over think it so much that you are drawing conclusions from the smallest things. In this case that is what you have done........you convinced yourself that because she was dishonest she must have something serious to hide. When in reality, she was likely dishonest because she wanted this friendship, but knew it would upset you so she made a mistake. In retrospect she should have stopped and talked to you about it instead of hiding it, but then again we all make mistakes in life.
Just answer does take a percentage of the offered amount, if you want to place a bonus you can do so by going to the answer box that you clicked accept on and it should be a Orange Add Bonus box instead of the green accept box. If you have trouble and would like help just let me know and I can have one of the Moderators on the site assist you with it.
I do not think she looked at it as risking your trust........I think she likely had all intentions on ending it when she first said she would. But then she may have thought that it really wasn't that big of a deal since she was not being unfaithful and therefor she was doing nothing wrong. Keep in mind that people rationalize just about everything they do. Since she was not being unfaithful, she likely felt it wasn't a real risk as long as she did not let you know about it. There was likely some guilty feelings on her part, but needing a friend overrode that.
You can help by texting her more, and make sure you are interested in her day and flirting and talking to her. Women do love attention, that is a fact. Maybe some flowers at work, (Women love it when flowers come to work or school because all the co workers just gush over how lucky she is)
If you send flowers, send a card that says "Just thinking about you" something simple to remind her that she is always on your mind. Don't allow yourself to fall into a standard call at 8pm etc etc kind of guy. Sending text messages can help remind her though the day, make sure they are flirty and fun as well.
I am so glad I could help, and thank you for your kind words and very generous bonus! I am just happy that you followed your intuition and searched further for the answers you need. Relationships are going to be hard, and there are going to be times when you question what to do. But keep the faith and work hard for what you want and need.
You can find me anytime here on Just Answer, simply put "For Askwalt" in your subject line so we do not miss each other.
Have fun on your trip!