How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dr. Keane Your Own Question

Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1699
Experience:  PHD LPC
14832673
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Dr. Keane is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I met a guy through the internet 3 weeks ago. We met up twice

Customer Question

I met a guy through the internet 3 weeks ago. We met up twice and we just clicked. His contact was daily however it had not been as frequent. Prior to going I said to him to give me a shout if he was interested in meeting up again upon his return. He said that he would for sure. The following evening he sent me another text just generally asking how I was but I didn't receive it and only replied to this the following morning. There has been no further contact with him since then but that's ok with me because he's away and enjoying himself no doubt. He deserves it because he is an extremly hard worker which is one of the attributes I do admire about him. I have deleted his number so I won't be tempted to make contact. I belive the only way I know for sure if he's interested is if he is to make contact now as I can't which is good. I know this is hard to say but do you think he will make contact or am I just kidding myself?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Walter replied 4 years ago.

Hello,

 

It sounds like you have make the correct contact and are giving him the space he needs to enjoy himself. Which he may be doing, he may have seen your text and thought that he would give it a few days to not make himself look to eager.

 

As for will he text you back or not, I would say yes. Since he did text you the following evening that is a good sign. If he had not been interested then he would have not texted back quite so quickly to ask how you are doing. He would have waited a few more days, or simply never contacted you again.

 

Right now it is still early, so I would say give it a few more days. If you have not heard from him in a week or so then I would say no he likely will not contact you. But with guys they often take longer to get back into contact so this delay isn't anything to be to concerned with yet.

 

Walter

Walter, Relationship Mentor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 11528
Experience: Mentoring couples on relationship issue and self understanding. (JA's Relationship Mentor)
Walter and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Hi Walter,

 

He did get in touch within a few hours of arriving home from holiday thankfully. The smile on my face when he got in touch. I just feel he is playing the game though maybe it is because I am insecure about relationships at the start. I asked him if he was interested in meeting up and he said 'would love to see you sometime, should be pretty free this week, I think'. Then I said to him that I would ring him today for a chat and he said' yes great, would love to hear from you;' I tried ringing there and he hasn't responded and that was 7 hours ago. I text there now and just said 'wrecked after the wkd, your probably up to your neck with work'. and no response. As I read this it is coming across that I am very insecure about this but then I don't want him to see this as it would drive him away but I don't want to be made a fool of either. What do you think?

Expert:  Walter replied 4 years ago.

Hello,

 

I think it is pretty early in all this to be thinking one thing or another.............keep in mind with him being away he likely has quite a bit of catching up to do and with work, home friends etc it may take a few days for him to be able to get in contact with you again. 7 hours isn't long enough to cause any real concern.

 

And your right, if you worry yourself about when he contacts you he is going to read into that and it will scare him off. The fact is you are not in a relationship with him yet, so he owes no real time period to contact you. I would suspect that he is quite busy and when he gets time he will get in contact with you.

 

For now I would not text him or call him again until he contacts you. Otherwise its going to look a little obsessive. Give him a few more days, and if you don't hear back by Thursday then a quick text message would be acceptable.

 

Walter

Walter, Relationship Mentor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 11528
Experience: Mentoring couples on relationship issue and self understanding. (JA's Relationship Mentor)
Walter and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Hi Walter,

He got back in touch thankfully and I think it's basically because I followed your advice and played it cool which is great thanks.

I asked him if he would like to meet up this weekend and he said yeah but only if he could sell his livestock in time and get his pastures cut in time for the winter. Then he said on Fri via text that the work situation with him was crazy and it possibly would be next week when we could meet up. He hasn't rung me since his return from holiday but does text every few days and aplogises when he is not prompt when responding to my messages. Does this sound like a guy who is genuine and interested or someone who could just be stringing me along?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Hi Walter,

Not sure if you have seen my Q and if I could get your opinion I'd really apprecaite it.

Intensive
Expert:  Walter replied 4 years ago.

Hello,

 

I am sorry, I some how managed to miss your last reply.......

 

I do not think he is stringing you along, it sounds like this is a busy time for him but he is hoping that you will stick around and make something of it. A man who works hard and has his priorities straight is typically a good sign of a good man so at this point I would still take it as it comes. Staying patient and keeping in touch is the best thing you can do, the last thing you want is to look like you are in a hurry which can scare a guy off pretty quick.

 

New relationships often are the hardest simply because there is no love there yet to bind you together....it sounds like he is interested and with time this may work out to something serious if your patient and willing to work with him.

 

Walter

Walter, Relationship Mentor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 11528
Experience: Mentoring couples on relationship issue and self understanding. (JA's Relationship Mentor)
Walter and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Hi Walter,

 

You have given me some hope here with your last e-mail and I will be patient for as long as I can because I do think he is worth it even though I barely know him. I won't wait forever but will give him some time.

 

 

I hope that if I continue to require your advice that this suitable to you.

 

Many thanks,

Intensive

Expert:  Walter replied 4 years ago.

Hello,

 

Your more then welcome to come back anytime you need me. I would give it some time, see where it goes. Of course you can't wait forever, but giving a fair amount of time to see where it goes will give you a better idea of where you stand with him.

 

I wish you the best, XXXXX XXXXX you need anything please let me know.

 

Walter

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Hi Walter,

 

The guy I have been refferring too has just informed there today that he has decided that he does not want to keep in contact because as he says 'you want to get to know me' and he says 'I want to just have a fun time with no strings attached'. It sounds very silly because I did not know the guy but I feel a little hurt that he has treated me this way.

 

I apprecaite what you were saying and genuinely was going to be patient and give him a chance and this is how he treats me. I gave him the space and respect and played cool and not sure what I did wrong or if i did anything wrong.

 

Over the past few years I have not been afraid to put myself out there and be open and take the chance but how come every time I do I just seemed to be slapped in the face like this guy has just done. It's very disheartening and makes you even more synical and thinking is there even a guy decent guy out there at all?

 

Intensive

Expert:  Walter replied 4 years ago.

Hello,

 

I am sorry to hear he was such a jerk! Unfortunately they are out there, and no matter how hard we try to avoid them we always seem to stumble along them once in a while. The good news is that even though you really liked him, you found out what he was about before investing to much time or feelings into him.

 

There is nothing you did wrong in this situation, he is simply not looking for the same things you are and in the end he did you a huge favor by letting you know this before things got hot and heavy.

 

I know this hurts, and can be frustrating but try not to let it get you down. You followed the best route and in this case its just a matter of him being not the kind of guy you need.

 

Walter

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Hi Walter,

 

I really need your help with this one again please. The guy mentioned above has come clean about everything and has said that he is on the verge of bankruptcy as all his livestock has contracted a disease which prevents him from selling therefore he cannot get any income from this. He said that he is in despair and acted cruelly by saying what he said and that he was very sorry for what he said.

 

I said that way the things were with him we could not move on because of his lack of calls and no mention of meeting up when I suggested this. He replied and said that he treated me unfairly and was sorry, that he was chasing his tail in terms of what was happening. He thought he had found a way to get his livestock off his hands and gain some sort of income from this but that he was let down and this was his last hope. He said that he hoped there was no hard feelings and generally repeated he had been very unfair to me.

 

The truth is Walter in my heart I knew this was not the guy I had met and the way I referred to him in my earlier messages to you is the guy I knew not this cold heartless person. But does desparation really make you do and say foolish and hurtful things? I told him that I was sorry things had been so bad for him and never realised how hard they were. I feel upset over this because the truth is I liked him and accepted his apology but the way he is thinking and me having doubts about him I don't know if there is really any hope here.

 

I'm not sure if I am interested or if he is. Just feel down at the minute about this.

 

Please advise

Expert:  Walter replied 4 years ago.

Hello,

 

Yes, desperation can cause people to say things they do not really mean. It sounds like he was in a bad place, and knew that the position he was in was not going to work while attempting to have a relationship at the same time. So he may have tried to tell you this so that he could bow out of the relationship without admitting he was broke and in danger of losing everything.

 

A man often places his own self worth in how he is financially, so he was likely feeling quite bad about himself and embarrassed to boot.......so his comments make sense from a mans point of view. He wanted a quick way to end things, without you finding out he was in this situation. The more hurtful he was to you, the less likely you would be to figure it out and he be ashamed.

 

Right now it sounds like he wanted to be honest, where he wants to go from here I don't know. What I would do is ask him what he wants. Let him know that you understand he is in a bad position but that you really did like him.......and hope that maybe something could work out. That placed the ball back in his court and if he wants a relationship then he can initiate it.

 

Walter

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Hi Walter,

 

Last night I contacted him and said that I like him, I appreciate he is having a hard time but still hope we could still remain in touch.

I sent a text to him by accident instead of my friend with a very similar name about how I was on the scene of an accident last night while on my way home from work.

He text me back and asked how I was? I said I was shaken but fine. I probably should not read into that, right? I text him back and asked how he was and there has been no response

Thanks again

Expert:  Walter replied 4 years ago.

Hello,

 

I would not read much into it, the fact is that would be the polite thing to say after getting a text saying you were on the scene of a accident, but at least it shows he is polite. Smile Which is always a good thing when it comes to someone you like. Of course if he was not interested, he likely would not have replied at all. Hoping that you would get the point, so either way while it isn't much to read into......it is good that he asked you how you was.

 

Walter

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

 

Well I just text him and told him how I loved been with him and how he made me laugh, and how I felt so comfortable with him. I said that I don't care whether he believed me or not because it's all true and that I would not initiate contact with him again.

could not deal with regrets and thinking down the line why I didn't say something.

I accept it's over between meand him but I just wanted him to know how much regard I had for him.

When you said in your reply to me 'that he hoped you would get the point', what did you mean?

Thanks agian for you help, much appreciated and trusted.

Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 4 years ago.
Hi,

My name is XXXXX XXXXX Walt asked me to help you here. He is offline for the near future so I will read over your posts and get back to you if you are okay with this.
I am a psychologist in private practice who works with many young women like yourself. I agree fully with the posts Walt send. I will wait for your answer and get back to you later today.
Dr. Keane
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Hi Sybil

 

Yes I would be grateful for your advice on my last query.

 

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

 

Intensive

Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 4 years ago.
Hi, I agree with Walt on the entire string of comments it seems to me that this guy has enough on his plate and doens't anymore. He has enough on his mind with his financial circumstances and probably wouldn't be able to focus on a relationship. You have made your wishes known and now you have to wait and see what happens.
He was honest with you and you with him. So I am glad you aren't going to contact him again, it's the right thing .Sometimes the timing just isn't right for things to develop the way you'd like them to. I would suggest you focus your energy on the future, let go of any expectations or wishful thinking and move on with your life. Never know what lies ahead!
Dr. Keane
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Hi Dr Keane,

 

Going back in Oct 2009 you kindly replied to me regarding my above query. Well 5 months on and this guy has made contact again asking me how I am and general stuff like that. He even suggested that we might be able to meet up again as he asked me if I was single. I agreed and said yes that would be great. To be honest it was like we never fell out and were just friends which was really nice. 2 weeks on I contacted him and asked how his ill mother was and he did respond. I replied and said that his mother's recovery was very positive and said that if he ever wanted to meet up again to give me a shout. I left it there and wished him well. Several days on there has been no reply. Do you think there will be any chance of us meeting up or again was he just testing the water?

Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 4 years ago.
Hi, He is interested but it also sounds as though he does things at a very slow pace, or at his convenience.
It also sounds very casual, hey how are you? A friend curious about a friend. He'll meet up with you but I am not sure it will be a "relationship" in the terms of boyfriend, girlfriend. He was honest when he said he wants to have a good time, no strings attached. He likes you, he may stay away because he is afraid of his feelings for you or he may just be so focused on his work he puts all else on the back burner. I'd still be careful here. He isn't testing the water, he likes you or he wouldn't have contacted you again. He just doesn't have you as one of his top priorities. If you want a friend then great, wait till he contacts you again and have fun. If you are looking for a more serious relationship treat lightly, he doesn't sound like a guy who wants a girlfriend. He has had a lot of financial work problems, remember he lost a lot there, maybe they are working out and he is ready to be your friend. All you can do is be there if he calls and see where it goes.
Please click accept and leave feedback.
Thanks!
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1699
Experience: PHD LPC
Dr. Keane and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 

Related Relationship Questions