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Ed Johnson
Ed Johnson, Consultant
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 10760
Experience:  USC, BS Psych & Soc.; Transactional Analaysis; U.S. A. D&A Counseling, Family Advocacy, Anger Mngmnt
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i have been involved mostly talking and occasional sex with

Customer Question

i have been involved mostly talking and occasional sex with a married man with a very sick wife when i met this man online we clicked straight away and i didnt know that he was in a relationship when i confronted him after 6 months he confessed and was very emotional i have tried to end this thing for almost 18 months now and because he lives 5 hrs away i have only seen him once this year he is more than a friend even though thats what say we are his wife doesnt know about me and my gut feeling is to end it but i cant stand hurting him what do u think i should do
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ed Johnson replied 7 years ago.



NO one can tell you what to do in this situation. Only you can make that decision. However this is what I see going on here.


1. He is not available to you, emotionally or physically. The distance makes it hard to visit, and his relationship with his wife creates energy that is not available to you.


2. The energy you have with him, detracts from what he is able to give his wife. So his wife is being short changed in the relationship, because the husband is truly not 100 percent there.


3. If he is focused totally on his wife and she eventually passes away, or heals, then latter he may be more available to you. (if he leaves his wife).


For these reasons, while it his hard to do, if you were to end it with him, you free him up to be devoted to his wife. He may learn to appreciate that later on, especially if his wife gets bad and passes away. If she is not terminal and recovers, then he may also appreciate it.


Taking care of a sick spouse can be drag. It is very hard. For now you are a distraction from that. BUT when it gets down to it, it is not fair to him, his wife or you.


YOu deserve someone who is available to you full time.

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