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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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I have been with my boyfriend for a year and would really like

Customer Question

I have been with my boyfriend for a year and would really like to move in with him but he doesn't want that. Mainly because he was with a previous girlfriend for 8 years and they broke up after being engaged. I would also like children one day but he is not ready for that. Should I stay with him?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 7 years ago.
Customer

 

I would suggest staying with him for at least another year before talking about moving in together and the future, it's only been a year and he may think it's just too soon to talk about any of that, since his last relationship didn't last he may be afraid to make such a commitment again without being really sure that things are going to work out so I would say give it six months to a year and then talk about all of this again. You don't want to keep harping on the issue or it will only scare him away and make him shut down so give him some more time. He may not be ready for kids right now but who's to say he won't want them later on down the line. It's more important for the two of you to get to know each other more and make a life together before even considering adding children into the equation. Take your time to make sure yourself that he is the right person for you also, if you take time to make sure the relationship has more of a chance of being successful and long lasting. Not many men take pressure well and often view that as a sign that the woman is always going to pressure them and often time they run because they don't want to live their life like that so make sure you talk about it and aren't demanding that you want these things.

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Customer: replied 7 years ago.

Thank you for the advice. He says that i have been negative recently and he wants me to be a happier person like how i was when we first met. I am trying to be more positive but because I am 32 i keep thinking time is running out for having children. I think i maybe worrying too much. i just don't want him to waste my time if he defnitely doesn't want to have children but I know he hasn't ruled out the wanting of kids. I hope we can make it work :)

 

 

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 7 years ago.
Customer

 

Whenever you get the urge to talk about it before it's time think about what he said, he wants you to be the positive person you were when you first met so another words he wants you to go back to the person that attracted him to you in the first place it's okay to have wants and needs but there are many women having children even after forty years of age so you still have some time and like I said give it at least six months to a year and then bring it up again but for now go back to the person he fell in love with in the first place and if you need to talk about it again talk to a trusted friends or clergyman or even a counselor as long as someone is hearing you out, this will keep you from laying it all on him and pushing him away.

Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Hi
Since speaking to you I still feel that i would like to know that my boyfriend is commited to me and would like to feel that i have reassurance from him and contentment. At the moment i feel very unsettled about where our relationship is going. I worry about it most days.
I don't live with him but would like to know that say in 6 months time there is the possiblity that i could move in with him. He is not a planner whereas i am which makes things difficult.
I spoke to my Father tonight about our relationship to get a second opinion and he said that i should get an answer from him about future plans with me. He is also thinks that he is not a marrying type which made me upset. I am not sure what to do.

The other problem i have is that my boyfriend has alot of DIY to do to his house and it isn't very habitable so therefore I wouldn't want to move in as i have a nice modern flat of my own. I feel this is kind of stopping our relationship from progressing. He says he can't afford to sell it for at least a couple of years. If we were to stay together i would prefer to buy a house together.

I am not sure what to do?

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