How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask KimberlyF Your Own Question

KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
1572083
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
KimberlyF is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I have been with my boyfriend for 1.5 years, living with him

Resolved Question:

I have been with my boyfriend for 1.5 years, living with him for the past 6 months. He has been married previously with 2 children from that marriage. The kids love me, and we have a great time together. Our relationship was really at its peak (for me at least), where I was completely in love and always considering everything for the both of us. He tried to mention marriage and our future, but I was never one to respond to those things and leave it as "let's talk about it soon". Recently, 2 major events have transformed our relationship. 1. He went on a business trip, got very drunk, went to a strip club, and almost invited one of the strippers to his room. I found this accidentally on his phone. Nothing happened, but he does not even remember going to to the strip club because of his drinking. I almost left, but we decided to try. Since then he no longer drinks and things are slowly getting back in order. 2. He got a job in another country and wants me to move with him. Help!
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

I would think hard about moving to be with him until he can prove to you that he will not start drinking again and will not go to strip clubs you don't want to go to another country and things not work out for you and then you end up coming home alone. With that being said if he has proved to you that he wants this to work and you have a future together then I would consider going with him you already live to together so it won't be much different the only difference is that you will be living in another country. What you need to do is talk to him about where this relationship is headed before you accept going with him because if he doesn't see a future in it then you might as well not go with him but if he sees a future with you it won't be much different than how you are living now. You have to be able to trust him and know that he won't do anything to hurt you. On the other hand you have to commend him he had enough self control not to do something stupid even though he was drinking and doesn't remember even going to the strip club and knew it was time to give up drinking. If you love him you will give it a chance, if you know you will be more miserable without him than with him then you know what you have to do. Communicate the plans with him and see if it sounds like something you may be interested in doing.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thank you Kimberly. I couldnt actually finish writing the full question due to text limits. .. I would love to move, but I don't want to take the risk of moving without a ring on my finger. However, I dont want an engagement to be based on pressure of moving to another country. I'm a fairy tale kind of girl and want him to do it because he wants to not because he has to. In addition to that, the way that his 1st wife and him got married was because he got a job in another country and she refused to go without getting married (she wanted the wedding before the move). So they got married (very young) and the marriage fell apart. So now he is expressing to me that he wants to get married, eventually if we see how it goes. He doesnt want it to be the sole reason for me moving there especially after this (strip/drinking) incident.
I know life itsnt a fairy tale, but I just want the proposal to be the one and only, as special, and surprising. Im stuck between killing my fairy tale dream or moving without a ring.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

There is no quicker way to lose a relationship than putting too many demands on your mate or pushing them into doing something they felt they were not ready for, if you want a fairy tale engagement then don't do it by pressuring him into making a decision. I would serious consider moving there before the ring and maybe the ring will come next but if you want him to do it because he wanted to then you have to go at his pace as long as he doesn't make you wait too long. You can still have that fairytale engagement just after you move together.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
KimberlyF and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency