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Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18509
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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This is for Cher who has helped me before. I am the 60 year

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This is for Cher who has helped me before. I am the 60 year old woman who was in a nine year relationship-he left me for a woman who was domineering and controlling. He is a Vietnam vet who has PTSD, bipolar, depression and is a severe diabetic. I nurse him back to health when he first became sick back in2003. He lasted with the other woman exactly one month, came back to me and I thought everything was fine. Told me "it was one of the worse months of his life". It's been 2 months and he continues to talk to her, text her, visited her at the cottage she was renting and he took her to see her son over a weekend because she doesn't like to drive. They make these plans and then he tells me. She sent him a card and I got the mail-through the envelope I could see it said "You and me alone together" with a large heart. He says he loves me that he "has no feelings for her" and doesn't want to leave me. She is the only thing we fight about. People say he is using me. Help!
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 4 years ago.
Hi again, Kathy, and thanks for requesting me; I was not online when you posted, so I also thank you for your patience.

Can you please remind me how he first met her?

Is he still considered bipolar and depressed, and is he taking any medications for these conditions?

What is his 'rationale' or explanation for continuing to be in contact with her, when you tell him it bothers you?

Does she live close to you?

Thanks,
Cher

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thanks for responding to me. He put himself on an online dating and that's how they met. He is still taking medications for his depression and bipolar. She wants to be friends and she lives about 60 miles away. She kept "finding" things that he left behind when he move back here so he continued to go down there to pick them up. He knows it bothers me but says we are not married so he should be able to come and go as he pleases. He continues to tell me that he is doing nothing wrong and is not sleeping with her but he has lied to me before. He left because she locked him out of the bedroom and played the stereo all night. Asking that she turn it off or he would, she said if he did she would call the police and tell them he hit her. She also locked the bedroom the next morning so he had no way to get his medications or clothes. She told him not to eat any food that she bought. When he texted her to ask her to come home for lunch so he could get his meds, she said she didn't care if he went into a diabetic coma. She has since apologized and said she wants him back. She has a lot of money and more time. He said that she doesn't like me and feels I stole him from her (they were together 1 month-we were together 9 years!) I don't know how much more of this I can take. I talk to him and he gets angry with me. I paid for him to move back here (Uhaul, etc.) and got people to help him. The old saying "you always hurt the ones you love" rings true!

I don't know what to do!

Expert:  Cher replied 4 years ago.
Hi again, Kathy, and you're most welcome.

Thanks for your reply with more information.

It sounds like she may have time and money, but she is mentally unbalanced. She's using HIM and his physical/emotional conditions, to manipulate him to do what she wants. She sounds like a sadistic, egotistical, selfish person who wants him to be her 'puppet', do her bidding, be there when it's convenient for HER, and not think about anyone but herself.

If he now has his most important personal belongings, i.e. his meds, clothes, etc., he should no longer be making trips to pick up anything he left at her place. He can either do without whatever he left there, or ask her to mail it (which she probably won't agree to), or ask a friend to get it for him. 60 miles is a good distance, considering she can't see him or meet with him every day, and it's a real pain for him to go there, to pick up anything, but you can tell him although it's true, you're not married, you ARE in a relationship together for 9 years, you have helped him through some very rough times, you've been there for each OTHER, and out of respect for you, he should not continue any communication or personal contact with her.

If he's getting his meds from a psychologist, psychiatrist, counselor or therapist, and he is not currently having sessions with that professional in person, I think this would be a good idea, at this time. He needs to talk this out with an experienced counselor or therapist who specializes in bipolar disorder and depression, and who will help him see that she is not good for him, and is causing him additional problems.

She really sounds like a mentally unbalanced person, and he needs to stay away from her. He had a temporary lapse in judgement, moving in with her, to begin with, and I'm glad he saw the error of his ways, and you were kind enough to help him move back with you.

All you can do now, is try to reason with him, and make him see that she doesn't care anything about him, and that she was and is, only using him, and he needs to make the break from her, permanent. If possible, have him change his cell phone number or get a disposable one, temporarily, and block her email address, if she's communicating in this way, too, so she can't find him. I hope she doesn't know where you live and plans to come knocking on your door. I'm not mentioning this to alarm you, just so you can take precautions; I really think she sounds dangerous.

Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18509
Experience: Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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