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Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 20859
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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For Cher Hi, I am the mom and I am concerned about my daughter.

Resolved Question:

For Cher: Hi, I am the mom and I am concerned about my daughter. Her husband had a guy weekend at the lake with friends ,some married and one single. They ended up at a college bar and he texed my daughter and told her he was getting in a cab and going downtown and later texted and said he ran into his ex and just said hi. She was with me for the weekend and she was so upset considering the their bachelor party before they married. Remember? Anyway, they talked at home and he was well boys will be boys and they just do those things, but respect their marriages. I think he is wrong and he shouldn't have gone. What do you think?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 7 years ago.
Hi again,

Yes, I do remember you and your daughter's situation, and your questions from last time, including the bachelor party. Thanks for requesting me.

I agree with you that he shouldn't have gone, but he also didn't have to tell her he was going, so I think that's an action on the 'plus' side of this situation.

If he had been drinking and 'swept up' in the atmosphere and what the other guys wanted to do, he was a 'go-alonger'. I'm in no way justifying nor excusing his behavior, and no, he shouldn't have gone, but he didn't have to take the time to text your daughter and let her know what he was doing, but he did. I don't think your daughter has anything to worry about, re: his fidelity.

'Boys WILL be boys', but they have to remember they are 'married' boys and think before they 'act' and not do anything that will upset their newlywed (almost) wives. She might want to tell him that.

The fact that they have discussed this already, at home, is good. Communication is the key to a successful marriage, and as long as he didn't hide this from her, that's very encouraging. I think she should be happy, despite being upset he went, that he did not try to hide this from her.

Best regards,
Cher and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Thanks Cher, I will just continue to listen to her and try not to get caught up in all of this. My husband and I get pretty upset with all of this. She seems to be having such a trust issue with him because of the bachelor party thing. She just doesn't trust him with his friends and she says that he is easily influenced and easily led. He claims that his marriage is very important to him and his friends. She keeps hurting him with words and he says that when she does that then he shuts down. This all stems from the lie where his bachelor party was.
Expert:  Cher replied 7 years ago.
Hi again, and you're most welcome.

I agree with your thinking of just 'listening' and not getting caught up in all of it.

If she keeps hurting him with her words and this causes him to shut down, she's going to lose the good communication they have, and that would be a shame. I understand she keeps going back to the incident with the bachelor party, but it's over and done with; they're married, they're happy, and if she knows he's easily led, she's going to have to help him become more decisive and make independent decisions when he's with his friends. This will take practice, but it can be done.

As long as she doesn't keep hurting him with her words, they will continue to communicate well. Remind her of that, no matter how wrong she feels he was, or how hurt she was. She can express it in a way that will let him know she was hurt, but at the end of the day, he didn't do anything terribly awful, like be unfaithful. He showed an error in judgment, and she would have preferred that he didn't go, but he went, and told her he was going. Tell her to think about what's really important.

Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Thank you again.
Expert:  Cher replied 7 years ago.
You're most welcome! Thanks very much for your accept and I hope all will go well with your daughter and her husband!


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