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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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My boyfriend of a year and three months broke up with me. We

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My boyfriend of a year and three months broke up with me. We had been fighting alot over stupid things. When he broke up with me he cried, and was very upset. I think the only reason he wanted to be friends was so that we would have a way of getting back together when he was ready. He said he still loves me, but feels somethings wrong if we are fighting like we do. So he asked for a break. But were broken up. We talked and decided that we love eachother but were taking this break to see if some time apart will help us. I told him that if he wanted to really break up and not try to work things out we should do that because if we take this break and dont get back together it will only hurt me more. He still wants to be on a break and talk a couple times a day in text messages for a while. I also asked him if he wanted to see other people and he said no. He said he doesnt want anyone else just that he needs some space. He said he only wants me and wants our relationship to work.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 4 years ago.
Customer

 

-What are your ages?

 

-Did he give you other reasons for hte break up beside the arguing?

 

-Have you always argued?

 

-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Im 19 and he's turning 21 next month. He says that he thinks time apart may help us because he doesnt want to lose our relationship completely. He says he wants us to still be together he is just feeling a little overwelhmed. And like were always together. and even when were not we text alot. He says that he wants to still be with me, but im not sure if this is right for us to go on a break. I mean if we can get throught this and make our relationship stronger. Then yeah but im not sure if hes not using this as just a way to "let me down easy" but as i said i told him if he really didnt want to be with me and didnt want to work this out to let me know cuz i really dont wanna prolonge this if were just breaking up. We have always had arguements. But lately its been everytime we see eachother. And about small petty things.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 4 years ago.
Customer

 

The best thing for you to do is to give him the time he ask for and hope that he does come back but if he said he still wants to be with you then you have to trust and believe that is really true. If it was meant to be then he will come back but if not then it's best you find out now than when you were married. Hearing that your boyfriend wants space isn't an easy thing if you love him. Knowing that the man you may want to spend your future with needs space. How you react after hearing this news from your boyfriend will actually impact any chance you may have of a future with him. If you do the wrong thing you will end the relationship for good. Your reaction when your boyfriend wants space is crucial. If you become overly emotional and beg him not to go you are hurting yourself. This is the normal and expected reaction from a woman when she feels as though the man she loves is slowly slipping away from her. However, when a man wants space you have to let him go. Regardless of how difficult it is you must tell him that you understand and accept his decision. He will respect that you are willing to give him this time to decide what he wants and who he wants that with.

 

 

So what should you do if your boyfriend says he needs space? You should see it for what it is. The man you love may be breaking up with you and if you want to keep him you've got to plan your next move very carefully. Instead of telling him that you still want to talk or begging him to stay with you, and then trying to stay in close touch with him, you need to take a different route. Tell your boyfriend that you were actually thinking the same thing and you've been feeling the need for space. Then don't contact him at all for a few weeks. Instead of trying to find a way to get out of the relationship with you, he'll be focusing on ways to rebuild it. Once a man feels that a woman is falling out of his reach, he wants her back. So if you can become unattainable to him, he'll want you more than he ever has before. The one thing you absolutely must do if your boyfriend says he needs space is accept it, for now at least. You've got to show him that you're mature enough to accept change and that you respect him enough to give him what he wants.

 

What you shouldn't do is to try and convince him that he's making the biggest mistake of his life. If you do that he's only going to resist any desire he may have to get back together with you because he won't want to prove you right. Just try and put a smile on your face, for the time being, and tell him that you understand that he needs time. Don't fall into a pit of despair thinking that he's going to meet someone, fall in love with them and marry them within that time frame. He's not. He is going to start to miss you though. He's going to start thinking about all the good times you two shared and he's going to wonder why you aren't trying to chase him and get him back. It will make him start to wonder whether he's losing you for good. It's that wonder that is going to bring him back not desperation on your part.

 

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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