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Cher , Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 20760
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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I am trying to get at my ex girlfriends motive. We had been

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I am trying to get at my ex girlfriend's motive. We had been going on out for 2 years and towards the end of the second year we were fighting, breaking up/getting back together a lot. It was always something trivial and the last time we fought I broke up with her saying I couldn't do this anymore. About a month later I recanted that decision and wanted to get back together but she said that while she still cared for me, she couldn't trust me because I had broken up with her so many times before. During the next 3 months we talked, hung out, went to lunch, dinner, etc. She still talks to me as if nothing happened and the only thing lacking in our relationship now is the physicality/sexuality. She has told me she is seeing someone else but she still sees me and still has my pictures up at her house of us being a couple. Is she just punishing me, does she really know what she wants? Should I just move on?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 7 years ago.

Sometimes, couples get along better as friends than as girlfriend/boyfriend in a relationship, and although you seem to be getting along great, now, if she has moved on and is currently seeing someone, in addition to your rocky past of breaking up and getting back together, it might be wise to leave things as they are, for the moment.

If you would like to get back that physicality/sexuality part of your relationship with her, and feel you have both matured and may be able to make it work successfully this time, discuss it with her and see what her reaction is.

If she gives you a flat out answer that no, she doesn't want that again, or says she's not sure what she wants, I do think it would be a good idea for you to move on, and start dating again.

I wish you much good luck and happiness in the future.

Customer: replied 7 years ago.
I understand what you're saying and I'm inclined to agree, but I think maybe here is a bit more here to it than that. When she told me she was seeing someone (its a guy I know no less) she told me that she was just casually seeing him, like going to happy hours, etc. They used to work together and he left and went to a new place. I have no clue how often they see each other. I just know that the other day when I was at her place he called and she ignored it to keep talking to me. She had just gotten out of the shower and was wearing a towel the entire time. Naturally I thought she was flirting with me, when I asked her about it she said she didn't know what to say. I told her I didn't want to screw up a new potential relationship for her and she again told me she didn't know what to say. Is she just hiding the fact that's she in a new one and scared that I'm going to move on if she confirms this. It just seems like everytime I hint at the fact that she has moved on she hesitates to confirm this, but won't acknowledge the feelings she has for me. Im confused to her intentions, is she just keeping me around in case things don't work out?
Expert:  Cher replied 7 years ago.
Hello again, and thanks for your reply.

From your description, it does sound like she's trying to entice you (the towel?) either because she wants to start up the 'physical' part of your relationship again, or to make the new guy jealous, or to make YOU jealous, showing you what you can no longer have.

That's a raw deal for you, that she's seeing someone you know! The fact that she ignored the phone call from him to continue talking to you, is a telling sign. She wanted to make you feel you mean more to her than him!

She may be keeping you around and 'interested' in case things don't work out with the new guy, and yes, she may not want you to move on if she confirms she's in a 'solid' new relationship. If so, she's playing games and games of this sort are usually not good for a relationship. She's manipulating your feelings, if what you suspect is how she's thinking, but you need to make a decision based on how YOU feel, and know you're doing what's best for you.

Her actions are definitely designed to confuse you regarding her intentions, so you're going to have to either continue to 'play along', ask her outright for an answer, and/or start dating others, if you wish.

You don't want to be drawn to her, start seeing each other as boyfriend/girlfriend, and have the same troubles you had in the past. Learning from your past experiences is a valuable tool. Try to find out her intentions, but don't make her feel you're 'waiting' and putting your life on hold for her. Also, try not to be in her place with her in a towel, which must have been pure torture for you. Continue to meet her, see her as 'friends' and try to start dating again, then see how things go. Just feel that YOU are in control of the situation, so you can't be hurt again.

Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 20760
Experience: Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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