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Walter
Walter, Relationship Mentor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 11528
Experience:  Mentoring couples on relationship issue and self understanding. (JA's Relationship Mentor)
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My husband seems to be going through a phase. We met and married

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My husband seems to be going through a phase. We met and married quickly over a year ago. Since then he has really established himself: built a successful buisness and buying a large house in the nice part of town. The problem is when he's not working he's acting like a 16 yr old instead of a 33 yr old. (This is new) He doesn't have too many friends and his only "friends" are Israelis like him and they are hippie-ish (he used to be, but grew up). He is going with them to a hippie festival in the desert called Burning Man for a week. I think he's nuts. It's a big party in 109 degree heat. I will be home working and taking classes. He says it's his last hurrah before settling into family life. Should I be worried? What should I do to get him to grow up and be the guy I married? Is this normal?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Walter replied 5 years ago.

Hello,

 

Men growing up is never easy..........in fact we often fight it Laughing It sounds like this party is more his friends thing then his, but something that does appeal to him which is natural. It sounds like he has come a long way in the last year. A business, a house a wife, those are all big changes and good changes. It sounds like he has worked hard to get where he is and is asking for a little bit of fun. Keep in mind that men hate to lose everything of their youth including the occasional party.

 

If you force him to stay home.....or make him feel guilty he is going to resent you over time for taking what he looks at as his youth. It looks like he is the man you married, he has done everything by the book and is asking for a chance to go be a guy once in a while. Which is pretty normal for most any man regardless of nationality. All men want to have a little fun......and this is his kind of fun.

 

Try putting the shoe on the other foot, if you were working hard and succeeding in life and had a chance to do something that you really enjoyed.....even if it was considered childish by him would you not want him to be the bigger person and let you do it?

 

I would not be worried about it at this point, he has come a long way and is working hard to be the best husband he can be......while still trying to hold onto a little bit of himself. The last thing you want is to take away the individuality he has for himself as this is going to cause him to have regrets in life.

 

Being a good husband, businessman and member of society is not easy for any man......allowing him a few treats once in a while is what makes you a good wife. Keep in mind that marriage is about give and take, he has given a lot.....now it is your turn to give a little and let him have a little bit of fun after all his hard work.

 

Walter

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
When should I worry? Like the other night I was ill and had spent the morning in the ER. He came into my room and flat out told me I'm boring and he wants to go to his friends house. The next day he did not deny his childish behavior, but I hope it's stuff like that he grows out of. Will he? How?
Expert:  Walter replied 5 years ago.

Hello,

 

The comment he made was harsh.......were you arguing when he said it?

 

Why did he say it?

 

What did you say when he said that?

 

How old is he?

 

How old are you?

 

Walter

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
For me it wasn't harsh, just childish. He didn't want to stay in the house when I was very ill. It was like a 7 year old saying "I'm bored, I want to play." He's 33 and I'm 29.
Expert:  Walter replied 5 years ago.

Hello,

 

Will he grow out of it.......maybe. But it is still the kind of things that tend to cause upset in a relationship. I would suggest sitting down and talking to him, communication is the key to any relationship and something that needs to be taking place.

 

When he is acting childish try not to get upset about it and let it go until he has had time to sit and think about it. Then broach the subject and explain to him why the things he has said or done was upsetting. Let him know that while you understand he is under pressure from all of this, it does not excuse his behavior and you expect him as your husband to try and work on it.

 

Men do grow up a little slower then women, and often we tend to forget that our own feelings and wants are not always the most important thing in the world. By sitting down and talking to him about the things he says to you he then must acknowledge them which will help him from acting out again in the future.

 

Walter

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thank you. XXXXX did speak with him about leaving me Saturday because he was bored. He did deny his childish behavior. I guess I'll just have to suck it up for now and focus on my own things.
Expert:  Walter replied 5 years ago.

Hello,

 

Just keep on him, just make sure when you talk to him you do so in a calm non confrontational way. Do not call it "childish behavior" refer to it as "hurtful actions" Sometimes its easier to look at it from a different stance.

 

I wish you the best and if you need anything please let me know. If you are satisfied with my answer please don't forget to click the accept button.

 

Walter

Walter, Relationship Mentor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 11528
Experience: Mentoring couples on relationship issue and self understanding. (JA's Relationship Mentor)
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