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Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18778
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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My husband always accuses me of cheating on him with my best

Resolved Question:

My husband always accuses me of cheating on him with my best friend (who is the same sex.) He has no reason to think like this but every time she calls or we hang out he gives me hell about it saying were having sex and says things like "your girlfriend is calling" ect. What is his deal? Then at the same aspect he tells me he wants to have a three some and even brings up her name in it. My friend is single and is not friends with my husband, and it's not as iff we go to bars ect all the time or anything i could understand being upset over. Please let me know whats going on and why he's acting like this.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
HiCustomer

What are your ages?

How long have you been married?

Did you know your best friend before you got married?

When did he start mentioning the 3-way?

Thanks,
Cher
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Cher,

I'm 32 and he's 37. We've been married for 2 years and together for almost 11.   I did not know my best friend before we were married, by the way my friend's age is 22.

He's always wanted a three way with another girl. We tried one with another guy and I couldn't go through with it, it was too uncomfortable for me.
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi again,Customer and thanks for your reply with additional and helpful information.

It would appear that your husband is making these comments re: your friend, BECAUSE he's interested in a three way involving her and you.

If you don't feel comfortable with even entertaining this thought, tell your husband nicely that you would appreciate him not saying these things about your friend anymore, as it is not true and is upsetting to you. Also, tell him if you BOTH discuss it seriously and are 'into' trying a three way with another woman, you might seek out someone who interests you both, but it will DEFINITELY not be your friend.

It also may be a good idea for you to not talk about your friend too much to your husband, and don't have her spend any time with him. Meet her wherever you meet her now, in a place other than your home, and continue your girls night out activities, as you wish.

Your friend is quite bit younger than you and your husband, but if you get along well and enjoy each other's company, that's fine. Don't let your husband tell you who you may and may not be hang out with, re: this friend. I think he's giving you a hard time and accusing you of things you're not doing, because he may *want* you to think of your friend in this way, so you'll be into a three way.

I think it would ruin your friendship with this woman, and you would not be happy if you tried it with HER as the third person, so tell your husband it isn't going to happen, EVER, and could he please stop talking about it. As I mentioned, if you are willing to try a three way, find someone you both would like to experiment with, but no one you know, now.

I hope everything works out for you.

Cher
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I really don't think its about the three way thing as much. I'm just upset that he is constantly accusing me of sleeping with her. Do you think this is a way to deflect guilt away from himself? Also he doesn't like that my friend and I hang out at all...
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi again, and thanks for your reply.

If you don't think it's about the three way thing, do you have any reason to suspect that he has not been faithful to you, and therefore has the need to deflect guilt away from himself?

Has he told you why he doesn't like that you hang out with this friend? Do you have any say as to who he hangs out with, re: his male friends, for example? Are you the type of couple that does EVERYTHING together and do you think he resents any time you spend with any friend that takes away from HIS time with you? Do you have other female friends you spend time with that he doesn't seem to mind about?

Do you think he truly believes you have a sexual relationship with this female friend, or do you just thing he's giving you a hard time because he would prefer you didn't see her at all?

Cher
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I don't say anything to him about his hanging out with his guy friends. We do not do everything together. She is my only friend that I hang out with on a regular basis. I used to be a shut in, working 3 jobs and going to grad school full time and I never really had time for friends and going out. He urged me to get a friend to hang out with and I just don't understand why he has a problem with it when he was the one to suggest it.

I think it's because he is jealous over her and feels left out of the equation, I just don't get how he got this idea into his head unless he was trying to cover something up. My friend texted him today and asked him if she and I took a lie detector test to show we were not sleeping together. He got really defensive towards her.

This is causing a lot a conflict between my husband and I. Do you think I should stop hanging out with this friend? Or do you think this anamosity will be replaced with something else? He thinks I'm sleeping with other people as well...for example one of my 18 yr old students that I tutored at a public library over the summer.
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi again,Customer

I agree with you completely, that he is jealous and feels left out, when you hang out with this friend. If you feel he's accusing you of a same sex sexual relationship with this female friend AND he's now accusing you of cheating on him with an 18 year old student you tutored, it's very possible, since you keep coming back to this idea, that he is trying to divert attention from himself, if he may be less than faithful to you, himself.

There are usually telltale signs that a husband is having an affair, like if he's not always accessible by cell phone or at work; if he says he'll be somewhere, but is not at that place; if he starts dressing differently, changes cologne, or wears more, becomes more consumed with his appearance, is home less, and if you check, you find odd charges on his charge card statement, bank statement, and/or find receipts for stores not in your area or near his work and items you know he doesn't purchase for YOUR household, and perhaps even receipts for a hotel/motel. If you have reason to suspect this, you have cause to observe his habits more carefully and look for evidence of an affair, if he's doing something he shouldn't be.

I don't think your female friend should have any contact with your husband, via text, phone, email, in person, etc.

To appease him and stop his ridiculous accusations, you can cut down on the amount of time you spend with your friend, a little bit, but don't give up the friendship altogether, because he can't dictate to you who you should be friends with and/or hang out with, unless he feels she's a 'dangerous' person or is into something you could become entangled in, like drugs or illegal activities, which I suspect isn't the case, here.

Tell him he has to trust you, as you've never given him any reason NOT to trust you, and as a tutor you will be giving lessons to students of all ages.....an 18 year old 'boy', as your 'tutoree', and he's accusing you of cheating behavior? Tell him to get real. That's really an insult to you! This is your job (tutoring), and ask him if he's having an affair with his ______whatever, at work (male or female). When he says, 'what? that's absurd!', tell him THAT'S how ridiculous his accusation sounds, re: your student.

See your friend whenever you like, but don't tell him when you're meeting her. I think that will help diffuse this situation. Also, if you suspect any infidelity on his part, follow through with that. I hope you discover nothing, but keep your eyes open.

Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18778
Experience: Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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