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Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18788
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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My husband is so mean. On the way to a baby shower he told

Resolved Question:

My husband is so mean. On the way to a baby shower he told me to get my seat belt buckled. I was trying but had to balance the casserole i had just made. He slammed the brakes on and it went all over the car. Just ruined the interior of the car and lost the dish. He said it was because I made him late all the time. I was ready and waiting for him while he was on the computer.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hello Julia, and thanks for your question.

May I ask your ages?

How long have you been married?

Has he ever done anything like this before?

Has he been mean to you in other ways?

Were you burned by the casserole, if it was hot?

Do you have any children?

Thanks for all your additional detail.

I will respond after you reply, when I'm next online.

Cher
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Age 58 Married 36 years Past History - He has a temper. Swearing, used to throw things but not much any more. Threatens me. No I wasn't burned. Lucky for me it was in the back seat. He got out of the car and walked home. Three boys - grown and have homes of their own.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Guess it is beyond a cure. Endurance has been my best solution.
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hello again, Julia.

I was not online when you replied and I appreciate your patience.

I thank you very much for additional information regarding your situation. While your husband's rage/anger problem may be beyond a 'cure', it is certainly within range of 'modification'.

If he's always had a temper and sometimes that temper is exhibited in violent behavior, directly or indirectly toward you, you're a strong person for 'enduring' well, over the years, but you shouldn't have to endure this at all.

His recent, dangerous, violent action in the car re: the casserole, and slamming on the brakes, is inexcusable. His leaving the car and walking home was immature and unnecessary. You've been married many years and you should be enjoying time with your husband, now that your children are grown and living their own lives. You should not be required to endure this type of behavior/action from your husband.

You do have a choice and you do have options available to you. If you choose to remain in this marriage, because you love your husband and want things to improve, it would be a good idea to see a couples/marriage counselor to help guide you in the best way to find a resolution to your issues.

At the same time, your husband and you would benefit from anger management counseling, on his own. It's important for him to learn how to diffuse and deal with his anger and do certain 'exercises' to wait, and then react to a frustrating situation before resorting to anger and physical violence. While I understand that this is a habit that is not easy to break, he needs to do something to take positive steps to gradually tone down this anger so his and your life, will be positively affected.

I have a feeling that your husband may 'deny' having a problem with anger, and not want to attend counseling sessions, but try your best to convince him this is something he has to do, to preserve your marriage and also to help himself get more healthy. Anger is stressful to the heart, blood pressure, etc., and losing some of his anger and learning to recognize the signs and stop it before it can be translated into actions he will regret, will be very beneficial to you both.

I hope things improve, soon!

Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18788
Experience: Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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