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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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Ive been married a year. My husband went to the lake for a

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I've been married a year. My husband went to the lake for a guy weekend and one of the 3 guy's wife was nearby at a bachelorette party. My husband's exgirlfriend is a friend also of the bachlorette. I am with my parents for the weekend at a spa across town. I wasn't invited to the guy weekend of course. My husband's texts me in the evening that he is jumping in a cab with his friends and going to the bar scene downtown. I was'nt happy , but didn't want to spoil the night for him. Later he calls while I am asleep and says that the guy with him, calls his wife and all of the party girls, including the exgirlfriend comes to the bar. He says Hi to her and wants me to know. That morning I awake to hear the message. I fell like this guyt thing is not what it seems and I don't like it. We argue and he says he will call me later. He is going on the boat with his friends. I am not trusting the situation and I explain that tonight , maybe the girls will all hang out again and he still doesn't g
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

-How long have you been married?

 

-Has he always done the male bonding trips?

 

-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
We have been married for a year. He is 29 and I am 26. I am very mature for my age and have very high morals and values. I have married a secure and confident guy who is always on the go and likes people. He does like to drink and is a lot more sttled since we have been married. He used to be wanting to know what everyone is doing and what's happening. He really hurt me before we married when his friends took him to a strip club for his baatchelor party . I was livid and it still hurts to think of it. I found out by reading a text on his phone that he was there. I almost called the wedding off, but it was so close. I know he doesn't cheat but we have different thoughts when it comes to what is proper. This guy thing that was at the guy's home and ended up at a bar. Wrong in my book. That's my complaint. He sees no prob. and I say... You're married.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

You are right if he is married and faithful to the marriage he shouldn't put himself in situations that could lead to infidelity or jeopardize your marriage. If you have told him that you feel uncomfortable about his doing things that normally single men would do that it's time to set some boundaries. Maybe compromise that he can still have guys night but no strip clubs or going out with exes and then make the deal that he doesn't do anything he wouldn't do in front of you, trusting your partner is sometimes difficult but in order to have a happy and healthy relationship you have to have trust in him that he will have self control when put in situations like that and also he has to learn how to say no to this friend especially if the friend is single and doesn't have a wife to answer to he isn't going to think about the sequences of his actions with friends that either have girlfriends and are in a committed relationship or who are married.

 

It may be the communication that is lacking with your husband that makes you doubt his ability to have self control and not do anything that will jeopardize your marriage, tell him how you feel and what you want and expect from him don't make too many demands at once that will only frustrate him and then he won't want to talk anymore so do a little at a time but cover the one that most bothers you about his actions and think of a compromise that he will at least consider. Try not to sound like his mother some men don't like that coming from their wives. Sound more like a wife trying to make a compromise with their husband and it may mean you bending a little as far as allowing him to have his freedom. Maybe compromise that he goes out once a night during the weekend but ask him to please be respectful of your wishes for him not to do anything that jeopardizes the marriage.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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