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Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18677
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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OK I do not know where to being, but here goes, this has been

Resolved Question:

OK I do not know where to being, but here goes, this has been on my mind for the last several years now, I got married at a young age of 20 something? I felt all along that I was pushed into the relationship because it went so fast, and she planed everything out, I thought I was doing the right thing but as time went on, things started to fad, I’m no longer in love with my wife and not sure how to tell her. Yes I did meet someone, but it had no bearing on how I felt, I love my wife but I’m not in love with her, this other person is more combatable in so many ways that my wife is not. I told my wife several times that I wish she was out going, be more adventurous to try new things go to new places, but it seems that I have to peruse and make all the plans and so forth, but when she wants to do something that she wants to do you bet she will go to great lengths to get it done. I just cannot go on living my life not being happy for once. I have two boys 15 and 5. That’s a whole another story in its self, I thought about seeing a counsellor as a matter a fact I will, but for the mean time do you have any advice for me?    
John
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi John,

How long have you been married?

For how long have you been unhappy?

Are you still seeing the other person at this time?

Does your wife know about her?

Does your wife have any idea that you are not happy in the marriage?

Thanks for any additional detail you can provide regarding your situation.

Cher
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Hi Cher,

 

Thank you for your quick response, I've been married for about 16 years now and been unhappy for about 10 of them to be honest with you. Yes I'm still seeing the other person only as a friend but i can see this developing into something more then just that. No my wife does not know of her but suspects thou. You know I have told her that I was unhappy and it just seems that she tries to hide from it or run away from it.

 

Thank you so much for your help,

 

John

Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi again, John, and you're most welcome.

Thanks for your reply with helpful, additional information about your situation.

First, I think it's an excellent idea that you plan on seeing an experienced counselor in person, to help you with your current dilemma.

You deserve to be happy in this life, and so does your wife, and if you feel you married too young, and have outgrown this marriage and are no longer compatible with your wife, if you want to separate and eventually divorce, you will need to discuss this with her, as soon as you feel ready. I don't think it would be a good idea to mention your other lady friend at all, and if she asks you about that, tell her that you are not requesting this separation because of your feelings for someone else, it's something you feel you need to do and you feel it was a long time in coming.

Tell her what you've said here, that you love her, but are not IN love with her, and feel that two partners in a marriage should both be happy and feel fulfilled, and you are not feeling this way. Tell her you suspect she's not as happy as she could be, either, and both of you deserve happiness, so you feel this is best for you both.

As far as the children go, custody, visitation, etc. will be decided by you and your wife, and your attorneys, a Judge, etc., and although divorce is difficult on the children, remaining in a marriage where you are so unhappy is not healthy for the children, either. They will pick up on your unhappy 'vibes' and that won't make for a good environment for them.

Start your 'process', by first seeing a counselor, and then decide how you want to proceed, if you would like to end your marriage.

I wish you much good luck in the future!

Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18677
Experience: Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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