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Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18738
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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I am a 38 year old woman who is confused about my current relationship.

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I am a 38 year old woman who is confused about my current relationship. I have been dating my boyfriend for about 4 months now. He is absolutely awesome in every way except for one thing. I recently found out he still has a Yahoo Personals profile posted and it says, "active within the last 3 days." When I say he is awesome I mean he calls and texts daily, buys me flowers regularly, cooks dinner for me once a week, has introduced me to his parents, family, and friends, took me on vacation, records my favorite movies, and recently told me he loves me. He refers to me as his girlfriend and talks a lot about all of the exciting things we are going to do together this fall such as camping, stargazing, wathching college football together, and we are even running a 1/2 marathon together! There are many other wonderful things he has done for me, but I won't go on. I think you get the picture. Anyway, we agreed about 2 months ago to date exclusively and to delete our profiles. When we are together, I do not get a feeling that he would rather be with someone else. I feel very content when we are together. He says he is nuts about me and he too feels wonderful when we are together. What could be going on? Do you think he may just be scared? Do you think he could really be "pulling the wool over my eyes"? I feel like I am a good judge of character, so this confuses me more. BTW, he has never been married before. I have. He is 44. I don't want him to think I am trying to micro-manage his life, but I would like to know if this is something I should be concerned about. What do you think I should do?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi pocahantas, and thanks for your question.

I understand your concern, and this is a tough one....If you both agreed to delete your profiles from any singles sites or Yahoo Personals, in particular, and agreed to become exclusive, let's assume this was an oversight on his part, re: deleting it. However, the fact that he was active within 3 days, when you checked, is of concern.

He sounds wonderful and you sound very happy. It's possible that he IS scared, and wants to keep that account, 'just in case'. It sounds like you've gotten very close in the short 4 months you've been seeing each other. I'm assuming you met on either Yahoo Personals or another online dating site?

I think, at this time, it would be wise to not say anything, and check every few days to see if he's been active on the site; if you notice a pattern of him being active, say....every 3 days or so, and this pattern continues, you should ask him about it in a couple of weeks. Remember, you're going to have to explain why you, yourself was looking on that site, and specifically, looking for his profile. Or, if you've shared your newfound romance with some close friends who know his username, you can say a friend came across his profile and you were surprised he hadn't deleted it when you both agreed to do so, 2 months ago. Be nice, and just mention it matter of factly, and see what his response is. He'll probably first, be embarrassed that you found out at all, and then he might be upset and/or angry, but it all depends on how you handle it. Don't bring it up in an 'accusatory' way, just as an 'I was just wondering....' type of question.

You'll have to play it by ear, depending on his response. If it's very upsetting to him, just tell him to forget it, drop the subject, and see if he deletes the profile.

If you're sure he's not seeing or communicating with any other women, don't worry too much about his profile still being active. If it really bothers you, ask him again, to delete it, just to make YOU feel more comfortable.

I hope things continue to go well for you; he really sounds like a doll!

Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18738
Experience: Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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