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Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18564
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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I have started my relationship 7 month ago, and I loved my

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I have started my relationship 7 months ago, and I love my girlfriend. But after my girlfriend found about my ex-girlfriend, everything changed to a mess. As a matter of fact, I did not like my previous relationship either, so I had tried not to talk about it much. I just had told her that it was not an important relationship and I was not serious on that relationship. Later on, when she saw some pictures of my ex, she started saying that, my ex does not look any nice, beautiful or anything to her and she said that, she was turned off because of my bad previous decision to go out with my ex. then she had me to ask some of my friends to avoid my ex, and I did. Again after 2 months, some people told her that my ex was a widow and she was even more sad and angry at me, and now I can not convince her anymore. Although, long time ago, I accepted that my last relation was not appropriate, she keep talking about how stupid I was. I do not really know how to fix my relation ship now :(
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 4 years ago.
Hi,

May I ask your ages?

Do you ever tell her it bothers you when she talks about your previous relationship?

Do you know anything about her past boyfriends, etc.? Do you ever make rude remarks about them?

Thanks,
Cher
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I am 29 and my girlfriend is 30 and we live and go to school in LA out of our country and apart from our families.

She does not care whether I like to talk about my ex or not. She always initiate the talks. I told her several times that I know that I should not started that relationship and it was hard for me to stop it. I told her that I was in bad emotional state when I started my last relationship(my father passed away and I was lonely in LA) and after 4 months my friendship with my ex changed to a relationship. However I always told my ex that I am not gonna stay with her for sure, but she kept going out with me. I told all of this story to my girlfriend.

she keep saying that my ex was a widow and ugly and short with no value, and she feel bad that she is going out with me. And when I stated that my ex were just a typical girl, not a monster, she got more mad at me. she is saying that my past decision shows that I am a cheap and stupid person. I tried to convince her that we should respect our last relationships and she says that she does not have any respect for such a relationship as mine.

she says that I was with my ex just for sex. But I did not wanted to be in relation with my x just for sex, I count her as my girlfriend and I showed her to my other friends and we have been supportive to each other and spend time with each other. she says I should not have shown her to anyone because I was not going to stay with her and so on.

she even had me to talk to my friends and ask them not to talk to my ex and avoid her, although I think their rare relations were only in facebook and chat, I asked them. it was really hard for me to have such a request from my friend, but I did. later she asked me to call my ex and ask her not to be in contact with my close friends , and I even did this. but she does not let it go. and keep track of my ex to see whether she is in contact with my friends or not. she says she could not sleep well for last 2 weeks because she was thinking of my ex and everything.

On the other hand, she kept in contact with me and does not brake up with me, she does not sleep with me anymore. and she keep talking about my x. I can not stop her.

Regarding her ex, when we started, she was still dealing with her ex. after 2 months we saw him in a party and she asked me not to show myself and I let them to be with each other for 2 hours :( that was hard. Then she was not talking to him for a while and once she started to talk to him again. I just asked her EITHER not to be in contact with him OR does not hide it from me and let us be in contact as well. And I said that because she always says that her ex is still in love with her and wanted to marry her and so on. I never made any rude remark about her ex.

thanks for reading this and helping me, please let me know if you need more detailed information.

By the way she just told me that she does not want to see me anymore in chat and left.
Expert:  Cher replied 4 years ago.
Hi again,Customer and thanks for your reply with additional and helpful information about your situation. I think you included some very important issues.

You started out by stating that you love your girlfriend, but at this time, from what you have described, she is 'obsessed' with your ex and her activities/friendships, and is constantly putting you down for ever having dated her, plus you have not been intimate for 2 weeks.

I think, at this point, your girlfriend needs to concentrate on the current relationship the two of you are in, and stop thinking about/tracking activities of, your ex. This is not appropriate behavior. If you love her and she loves you, and you enjoy each other's company, she should not be putting you down for a past relationship, and enjoy the relationship she's in, with you now.

Tell her it's none of her concern what you're ex is doing, who she communicates with, etc., and she really shouldn't have told your friends not to communicate with her; that's none of her business. Also, tell her she needs to concentrate on YOUR relationship, now, because that is what's most important to you, and she should feel it's most important, too.

She also shouldn't be in contact with her ex, and I don't blame you for saying it was so hard for you, when you left them alone for 2 hours--that was very nice of you...but it was also 'dangerous', if he says he still loves her. They obviously broke up for a reason, and now she's with you, so she needs to concentrate on being your girlfriend and nothing else should interfere with that. She needs to 'reset' her priorities and stop being so concerned with your ex.

I hope things improve for you, soon! You sound like a very intelligent, loving man, who she should be proud to call her boyfriend!

Cher

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Hi again,

I already told all of these several time.

she already brake up with me. she said that she can not stop thinking about my ex and she said I am a lier and I should have told all of these details at the beginning (the fact that my ex had a previous marriage). At the first day, i did told her that I was in a relationship that was not serious to me, not all the detail, because I did not feel comfortable telling them.

I said we where together for so long and she should have known my personality from our interactions. But she insisted that my past is very important to her and shows that I can not make correct decisions and I am cheap and stupid to go out with my ex.

I am so sad, disappointed and broken. I did as much as I could for this relationship. I did not count on anyone else this much, I did not take any other relationship this serious and did not spent this much of energy and time for any other relationship. I think I really loved her.

What should I do now, just waiting?

thanks for your response.
Expert:  Cher replied 4 years ago.
Hi again, and you're most welcome.

I'm sorry, you hadn't mentioned that you were already broken up with your girlfriend, so I didn't realize that was the current situation.

I'm sure you thought you really loved her, but the way she's acting now, and the way she acted in the past, the minute she was made aware of your ex, is not really a good excuse to break up with someone you care for. I think you may care for her more than she cares for you, and even though it's difficult when you're used to be around someone and think you may have deep feelings for them, if she called you stupid and a liar (which was not true--your past relationship was really not her concern), and based her breaking up with you on your PAST actions with someone else, I don't think she's keeping in mind, all of your good qualities.

Don't keep going after her and trying to convince her she should take you back. Play it cool for a while, and let HER come to YOU. She is a very jealous and manipulative woman and although you thought you had feelings for her, I don't think these are qualities you want in a girlfriend. I think you will meet someone who will treat you better and not be so concerned with your past. Don't tell any future girlfriends details about your past relationships; these discussions often end up with one or both of you feeling uncomfortable, and really, what you've done in the past is not relevant to your present. If the girl you meet wants to talk about HER past relationships, be a good listener, but you certainly don't have to feel obligated to tell anyone anything. You can say, yes, I've dated in the past, things didn't work out as we had hoped, and we moved on...something like that.

I don't know if you will get your most recent girlfriend back, if she's so angry concerning your past relationship, so try not to be so sad, and when you feel ready, move on and meet some new people.

Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18564
Experience: Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
Cher and 4 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
thanks for answer,

she really confuses me, because she called me back after 2 hours that she said she do not want to talk, to make sure that I am ok and then when I asked to meet her, she accepted. she is here at my house now, however we did not talk about what happened to each other at all.
!
I hope that things get better for me,
thanks for your time anyways.
Expert:  Cher replied 4 years ago.
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