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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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Is it wrong to make contact with someone you briefly went out

Resolved Question:

Is it wrong to make contact with someone you briefly went out with over 4 years ago and write and say you are sorry for hurting them.

I wrote to this person 3 years ago and never heard back from them so I guessed he didn't care however I think about him often because I made a dreadful mistake. I was in a very bad place at the time and didn't think straight about what I was doing. Looking back on it now he was my soulmate and best friend, silly one might say when I barely knew the guy.

I have always been able to have closure with any relationship that I was in and could move on but this continues to be at the back of my mind because that closure never occured here.

If I was given a wish I would ask that we could meet, me say I was sorry, wish each other well and move on but even with writing this to him I don't think he would allow me that after all this time. Am I belittling myself asking him for this and writing or should I just let this lie and move on?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 4 years ago.
Customer

 

If you still have feelings for him and don't think you could just move on from this then I would tell you to write another letter but in this letter admit that you were wrong and what you did wrong if he see that you know what you should be sorry about he may be more apt to forgive but if he has moved on then he may never respond to your letter but ask him if he is free, if you could meet for lunch or a coffee and talk about things and at least be friends, you may have to start off as friends if he does give you an opportunity. If you didn't acknowledge your wrong doing in the first letter that may be why he didn't respond because he felt that you were just saying sorry because you felt bad and really didn't actually know why you should be sorry and apologize. In the letter also say to him that if he doesn't respond this time you will take that as him not wanting anything to do with you and then you will have no choice but to make that your closure and learn from your past mistakes and not look back and try not to repeat such behavior in your next relationship.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
KimberlyF and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

 

Hi Kimberely,

 

I have written the letter and put the content of what you suggested in it. I know that in my heart he will never respond because that his the way he is and because no doubt he thinks I am stupid for not letting this ly after all this time.

 

I have genuinely paid a high emotional price for this mistake and have to move on for my own sanity. It is something I have learn't and hope that I may feel that wonderful emotional experience again. Thanks.

 

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 4 years ago.
Customer

 

I would wait to hear from him and then if he does not respond then I would take the steps to move on, it's good that you realize that you need to move pass this whether or not he responds to your efforts it's neither healthy or good for you well being to hold on to the past you must move toward the future. Good luck to you and if you need my help again ask for me by name.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
KimberlyF and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Hi Kimberely,

 

This guy responded to my letter last night asking me to give him a ring and that he was prepared to talk to me. I couldn't speak to them as I was heading out but I said I would give him a ring this evening. He asked me if I was single and I said yes, he is also single so not sure why he asked this. I also found out that he lives 15 mins away from where I live.

 

The truth is I am actually scared about what to say but I suppose just be straight about things and leave it at that. If I am being honest yes I would like to see him again for one more time and just wish him well because sometimes the hurt caused can change things between 2 people.

 

What do you advise?

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 4 years ago.
Customer

 

I would say to call him and see how things go, if you are both single what will it hurt? Yes be completely honest about your feelings and about what happened then, he will appreciate that you contacted him to at least make things right and explain your side to him.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Well Kimberely I rang him and the following was said 'the reason I'm ringing was to put closure on what happened between us because it has made it hard for me to move on. I'm genuinely sorry for treating you so badly the way I did and that's what I wanted to say'. He responded by saying 'that's fine and take care of yourself' and the call ended.

 

Three and a half years I wanted to say that to him and while I do feel I've got that finally I've got that 'forgiveness' I am saddened and relived in 2 ways, that he had the courtesy to ring me and give me that chance but also that there is no going back to the way it was because the trust is not there.

 

Now he has sent me a text 'thanking me for calling him however he is not looking for a relationship and would I like a no strings attached but fun time'. I replied that that was not the intention of my call but maybe friendship down the line could be but 'never a fun time or a realtionship with him ever'

 

Many thanks and now I hope I can move forward with hope,

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 4 years ago.
Customer

 

I'm glad you were able to get closure and find peace and now what you have to decide is if you want to be friends with him or could ever be friends with him but you don't have to decide that right now take it for what it is and nothing else. Go at your pace now and whatever you are ready for and don't try to push it. Give yourself time to heal and forgive yourself now that he has forgiven you.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
KimberlyF and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Hi Kimberely,

 

Could I ask you for a very honest reply please to the Q is now ask?

 

His text stating 'a no strings attached but fun time' basically mean't I would like to have sex with you but no emotion or feelings behind it. Please forgive if this sounds like a very ignorant Q on my behalf but there is no friendship ever going to come out of this, if he thinks that my apology was only to try and get back with him, and he asking me if I was single. He had heard me aplogise before to him about this but I do believe he probably laughed at me and thought my apology was insincere.

 

Do you think I am right in my assumption?

 

 

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 4 years ago.
Customer

 

To be honest at the time that you apologized before he may have thought you weren't truly sorry for what you did and that is why he laughed, I would let this go because he doesn't want anything but sexually gratificiation now and if you do not want to be friends then what is the point of continuing on with this other than to have closure so that you can move on. Yes you are very right in your assumption of all of the above. Unless you are willing to consider the friends with benefits, which I doubt because you said friends is out of the question, then I suggest that you just move and know that you got your gratificiation of apologizing and him accepting your apology.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
KimberlyF and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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