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Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 20868
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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I have been dating a married man for 3 years. We fell madly

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I have been dating a married man for 3 years. We fell madly in love gradually as time went on. We shared our dreams and discussed plans of a future together. Now that he is separated (but still living under the same household as his soon to be ex-wife) and on his way through a divorce, he has pulled back from me. He claims that he is confused now that reality has hit, and is sad and feels guilty for hurting her. He says that he can't even focus or think about another relationship right now. I have asked him if he wants to end our relationship, but he never answers. He either changes the subject, or ignores the question. I don't want to loose him or take a break. I want us to get through his divorce together, but he won't talk to me like he used to. I'm not sure what to think anymore. What does this all mean? Why would he shut me out now?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 7 years ago.

May I ask your ages?

Why is he still living under the same roof as his soon to be ex-wife, if they are separated?

Do you know if there may be someone else he has been seeing?

Customer: replied 7 years ago.
I am 41, he is 40. They are still under the same roof because she wants the house but cannot qualify to buy him out right now since they are upside down in house value due to the economy. No, he is not seeing anyone else. He has been talking to his mom, brother, bestfriend, and a few co-workers asking for their advice. I tend to think they are all getting him confused.
Expert:  Cher replied 7 years ago.
Hi again, and thanks for your reply.

I agree with you, that getting advice from all those different people is confusing him.

The most fruitful result will come from YOU and HE having a serious talk about the situation, and your future. While you don't want him to feel 'pressured' into anything, you can point out to him that you've already discussed your future plans, after his divorce becomes final, and why the sudden hesitation? He may feel that rushing into another marriage (if that's what you've discussed) so soon after this divorce will be too much for him, emotionally. It's common for him to feel guilty re: the divorce and his soon to be ex-wife, but living together is not helping YOUR situation. I realize it can't be helped, due to circumstances beyond everyone's control.

Ask him to be patient, continue to see you as usual, and think about all the great times you've had and vows of love and future dreams you've shared. Tell him his happiness is most important to you, and you will not pressure him to make any decisions at this stressful time.

See how he reacts to this and try to play it cool but still be a big part of his life.

I hope things work out for you.

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