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Ed Johnson
Ed Johnson, Consultant
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  USC, BS Psych & Soc.; Transactional Analaysis; U.S. A. D&A Counseling, Family Advocacy, Anger Mngmnt
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after my gf broke up with me and told me that it was the distance,

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after my gf broke up with me and told me that it was the distance, she said that she still loved me and wanted to keep a light on. she was very much in love with me and wanted to move with me in a year. overnight she broke it off with no warning. she said that she wasnt sure what she wanted and wanted to be alone. she said that she wants to leave a light on but doesnt want a relationship. her facebook has changed and she hasnt called in 4 days. she said shes going to call me this after noon but i dont know what to say. i want to fight for her but i also want to give her what she needs. i want her back, what do i say?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ed Johnson replied 5 years ago.

Dear Damit,

 

thank you for your question.

 

Your girlfriend seems to be saying she needs time and space in order to decide what she wants. Based on the steps she has taken so far, it is doubtful you will get her back in the short term, but you may in the long term.

 

Your best chance is to respect her for her decision, and honor what she is trying to do.

 

I can not give you a script to follow, because I do not know her or your personality. However I can make a suggested set of words and phrases, that you can base your own comments on.

 

For example:

 

YOu might say: Honey, I understand what you are feeling and trying to do. I agree with you and respect that.

 

If you fight for her, she expects that at some level,and is prepared to fight also for her time and space. So do the unexpected....agree with her. Let her know how you feel about her, but do not "beg" her to change her mind.

 

Instead, ask her, how you can help?

 

Do not tell her you will "wait" for her. This is a situation where the more you say may only make it worse for you.

 

Instead tell her, that you wish her the best and to let you know if she needs anything.

 

Tell her to please not wait too long, but that if you are still available you might try it again in the future.

 

The instinct is to fight for her....but that is exactly what you should not do. It would be different if you had done something wrong. BUT, in this instance, you have done nothing wrong. Your only problem is that it is a long distance relationship.

 

So in this instance, to try to talk her out of it, would be the wrong move. You might ask her: is there anything I can do or say to change your mind? (for example,moving to her home town).

Ed Johnson, Consultant
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 10760
Experience: USC, BS Psych & Soc.; Transactional Analaysis; U.S. A. D&A Counseling, Family Advocacy, Anger Mngmnt
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USC, BS Psych & Soc.; Transactional Analaysis; U.S. A. D&A Counseling, Family Advocacy, Anger Mngmnt