How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask KimberlyF Your Own Question

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
KimberlyF is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My husband cheated on me repeatedly and lied about it with

Customer Question

My husband cheated on me repeatedly and lied about it with 2 different girls over the last 2-3 years. He recently got caught and we have been going to counseling. He got fired from his old job (the girls he cheated with were his subordinates) and lost his work phone, so I got him a new cell phone on my account. I thought that would be good so that I could keep an eye on things...but now I wonder if I'm obsessing. There are very few calls that I don't recognize the number as someone he should be talking to, but if I see one, I Google it and pay to get the report to see who it is. My husband doesn't like to text...but this last Friday, he was with me and the kids and he got a text...didn't mention it to me...and deleted it. I see it on our online phone summary. I didn't recognize the number, so I called it from an untraceable number, hoping it would be a guy friend or something...but was a girl. I don't know how to handle this.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 7 years ago.


The fact that your husband cheated on you not once but twice it's hard to get your trust back especially if he isn't really doing anything to prove to you that he can be trusted again, one thing that dooms marriages after an affair, or keeps a marriage from surviving after cheating would be that the couple were not able to rebuild the trust, even if you decided to forgive and have committed to moving on, the inability to really trust that the cheating will never happen again may be keeping you from trusting him. You begin to wonder what is wrong with you that your husband wanted someone else. Your self esteem takes a nose dive. So you may have put up a wall around yourself to ensure that you are never hurt this way, but here's the problem with that. The wall doesn't allow your husband back in and he has to be allowed back in if you are going to rebuild the intimacy and closeness necessary to rebuild a better marriage and regain that trust that you have lost in him.


You are going to have to let your husband know how badly the affair has devastated you, this must be done because if you don't release these feelings, they will eat you alive and they will always crop up again when you think you have beaten them. You may not have given yourself time to heal from the affair which means asking the questions you wanted to know about the affair the how, when and where if that is what you need to know then ask him but you have decided to forgive him which means you have to let go of the past and tell him that you checked the phone records and want to know who this other women is, I'm a firm believer that "Once a cheater not always a cheater" but if your husband isn't trying to have self control so that it doesn't happen again or if he doesn't show remorse it may happen again so you need to confront him about the fact that you found this number and you called and it was yet another female he will probably try to lie out of it but the proof is there.


Marriage counseling may be your last resort now because things aren't getting better with the two of you doing it on your own. You have to at least try the counseling not only for the sake of the marriage but for your children also. If the marriage doesn't last then you know you tried everything to make it work. Also a marriage counselor can help your husband figure out why you he cheated in the first place and steps you both can take to get the trust back in your marriage.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Previous | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX

Meet The Experts:

  • Kate McCoy

    Kate McCoy


    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
< Last | Next >
  • Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy


    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist


    Satisfied Customers:

    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • Ms Chase's Avatar

    Ms Chase

    Life Coach

    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
  • Alicia_MSW's Avatar



    Satisfied Customers:

    Specializing in relationship/family counseling
  • Dr. Norman Brown's Avatar

    Dr. Norman Brown

    Marriage Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples
  • Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L


    Satisfied Customers:

    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • Suzanne's Avatar


    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

Related Relationship Questions