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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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I have been dating this guy for a couple months. I asked him

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I have been dating this guy for a couple months. I asked him out a week after meeting because things were going very well but he was unsure and thought things were moving too fast. he tells me all the time that I could have any guy that I wanted, that I could do better than him , that I am better than him, etc. The first month he was driving to see me almost every night , took me out all the time and really showed me that he wanted to see me. Then he went to a 4th of July picnic with me and met my family then tells me he wants his space and that we should hang out with other people more often, that I was pushy. For a couple days I didn't hear from him much, we used to text back and forth all day long while he was at work, he would text me "goodmorning" ask me what I was up to etc. Then, I ignored him and he was all over me again texting me, complimenting me, telling me he liked me and that he liked spending time with me. Now he is saying the same things a month later. Why?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

It seems he may be confused as to what he wants and when he wants it. Before he may have been feeling that you were trying to push him to be in a serious relationship and he wanted to take a few steps back before things got too serious and now he may realize that he liked you more than he thought he would, you met this really fantastic person. There is strong chemistry there and so you think this is it. You immediately put yourself out there and went a little overboard doing too many things to show him you were interested and when you thought it couldn't get any better, he said those dreaded words, "I need some space." You don't have to miss out on the relationship just because he needed some space it doesn't always mean the relationship is over. He wanted to make sure that this is what he wanted and you were who he wanted it with. I need some space doesn't always mean I am no longer attracted to you or the relationship is over. Sometimes when a person says "I need some space" all they are saying to you is that, at this time, he wanted to take things much slower. Many men hesitate because they fear that they might be making the wrong decision and will regret it later and he wants to make sure that you are the one. There is an old saying that "no one needs the needy" and desperate behavior is more likely to push him away. He felt that meeting your family was a bit too much and that you pushed them on him, they should only meet the family when you both decide that you want to take the relationship to the next level, so this time move at his pace and show him that you are ready to go as slow as he needs to go and that the ball is in his court.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Yes he has told me he wanted to take things slow . Things went well the past month but once again he is saying that he wants his space, but is putting it on me more like I am the one wanting space... i think he's insecure and believes that I don't like him as much as I say...I compliment him and he says it's "playa" talk and is suspicious of why I am so nice and has even told me that my niceness is "scary". He is saying that I am looking into things too much, not to worry etc. I left him a message telling him to be straight up and honest with me and himself about how he feels and his response was "Dont worry about it". I don't think that if I liked someone they would come across as pushy, I would want their attention! He wanted to take a break but I said to him that I was confused because the other day he is telling me that if I lived closer or was able to drive he would want to see me a lot more, and I told him that soon I will be able to drive to see him and then he was Ok with everything... I just don't know why once again this is happening.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

I think his insecurities could stem from past relationships where he has fallen hard for someone and they had pushed them away and he is now afraid of being hurt again what you are going to have to do is show him that you are serious about the relationship and you don't want to hurt him. If he can realize that you aren't out to hurt him he may be able to opening up his heart to someone again. Taking the relationship slow and showing him that you want to be with him would be the best advice right now he wants to feel that he is in control of his feelings and with you he isn't sure.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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KimberlyF
KimberlyF
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Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com