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Walter
Walter, Relationship Mentor
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Mentoring couples on relationship issue and self understanding. (JA's Relationship Mentor)
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My ex boyfriend broke up with me December last year but we

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My ex boyfriend broke up with me December last year but we would still see each other twice a week at work (we work together). It's now August and i still love him even though we only dated 4 months. Today i went to work and found out he quit. I am so sad knowing i might never see him ever again. What should i do.... i want to call him maybe in the near future or something. i still feel he cares even though we never talked since Dec. And when we were working there's would still be tension between us. Should i contact him?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Walter replied 5 years ago.

Hello,

 

How long were you dating before breaking up?

 

What caused the breakup?

 

How was your relationship at work after the breakup?

 

Have you spoken with him since the breakup? (If so how did it go)

 

Walter

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
we dated for 3 months and a bit he knew he was my first boyfriend so it was pretty intense right from the beginning where he kept telling me how special i was and that i was too good for him.
He is a hard working guy, wakes up at 5 be at work at 6am. He joined the fruitshop i was working at last year mid july and on his first day there we instantly connected. he told me after we had dated that he noticed and liked me straight away. he tried getting with me for about 2 weeks but i kept turning him down cause i was confused and didnt think anyone could like me. but i felt sorry for him one night after work, where he had to wait for a lift so i decided to take him home. he lived far away so i ended up staying over his place that night coz i didnt want to get lost in the bush. we didnt do anything more than cuddling but he kissed me and we fell asleep.
He soon found out that i was a virgin and i think that was part of our problem. Another problem was that he is a drug dealer, and uses pot. i showed him i didnt like it and every time i would get mad when he uses my phone to make calls relating to the dealing. He told me why he ended up doing it coz he was kicked out by his mother when he was 15 and now his parents are divorced. he told me how lucky he was to have me at times like this. Sometimes i didnt care cause i think that is just his side stuff cause he spends most of his days working any ways. So he was happy when i was cool about that stuff later on. but the sex part was an issue. He wanted to make me his every time we got close but most times i ended up giving him the head job cause i didnt want him to get inside me. i wanted to know if he really loved me coz to me its something special. he spoke to me about us having kids and that he's really falling for me but he said he had nothing and is not ready for marriage until his 28-30. He's 23 and im 24 i told him im not ready yet as well. but he kept saying im too good for him and that i should rethink about wanting to be with him coz he doesnt think we would work out. i cried and went hysteric telling him i just quitted work and never wanted to see him again. but he talked to me for 2 hours and told me not to leave him and told me he loves me. i dont know... do you think its a committment issue that broke us apart coz i wouldnt give him intercourse? He told me he love me about a week before he broke off with me.
He's reason was that i never listen to him and that i wanted to be the boss all the time. so when we saw each other at work i still act like we're together but he was completely distant. i ended up following him around. but the next day i ignored him and was distant as well. he kept looking at me and he lookd sad and not the loud and cheery guy anymore. about a week later i called him up and we spoke for a bit. and i went well coz the next day he smiled and talked to me. but i soon ignored him again coz i still feel hurt. then when he acted all happy and moving on i did all the mistakes like calling him few times even when he kept hanging up, begging him to talk to me, and kept trying to talk to him. About 3 weeks after our break up he didnt come back to work. i was depressed as can be and panicked but i followed "the magic of making up" to get your ex back and decided to write him a letter. but i later realised i made another mistake my letter was too long and i basically poured all my feelings out and ended with i hope we could still talk in future and thank him for every thing. i also gave him a present which i had planned on givng him. this was exactly on xmas day i also returned all his other stuff i handed to him in person and drove off without a word only that i want him to have it. he refused to take it so i left it at his feet. 5 days later when i went back to work and told my boss i wanted to take a month off, i found out he was coming back. Anyways i returned to work 3 weeks later and saw him there. it was all awkward i couldnt look him in the eye and kept avoiding him. but he was normal and spoke to me when he had to to do with work. i was also proffessional. soon we made heaps of eye contact. He would still wear the shirt i bought him. So on February i decided to call him but his reply was "who's this?"
i said it me aww you've deleted my number? " he paused and didnt answer only asked wat is it? wat do you want.... i'll see you at work.... bye." as i said wait i heard he hung up. That was the last time i called. the next day at work i would still act happy and say hello to him but he wouldnt look me in the eye. i felt he really wanted me out off his life and it hurt me soo much. He even flirted with a girl and kept looking over to see if i was looking. he does it all the time. i eventually acted really distant and stopped being nice or friendly to him coz i felt there was no hope i wanted to quit. but i didnt. Soon we acted like enemies he would be all sarcastic and make stupid remarks towards me saying things like wats with the stupid attitude. i snap back and we would fight and argue at work whenever we communicate. but we still look at each other a lot and occassionally he would be all teasing and mocking and gets angry one minute then nice, helping me lift things. but at times he would talk and joke with every one except me, he would stop smiling when he saw my face. But about 2 months ago he would smile at the things i do, but would act all pissed around me saying im dumb. Last week he kept looking at me and was around me quite often he'd even teased me in a joking way and smiled. that was the last day i saw him and now he is probably not coming back to work they say he's just taking holiday leave or maybe looking for a new job.

I am still not over him, i think of him every day and wonders what he is doing. I cant help but hope that we could somehow be together again. Please help.
Expert:  Walter replied 5 years ago.

Hello,

 

Thank you for the additional information, it sounds like your relationship had a lot of drama for the short amount of time that you were together......which is enough to scare most normal men. Men look for drama free women, who click with their life and do not make things harder. When everything becomes a argument and things get nasty often they will avoid any and all contact.

 

It sounds like he was not very happy with the relationship in the beginning, and assumed when he broke it off that would end it. Then when things continued and you called him, wrote him, etc he tried to run you off by being mean and flirting with the other girl. This is pretty typical for men......and a sign that they are not interested in getting back together.

 

It sounds like he took some time off, and you should respect that. Calling him now is not going to help your situation. Sometimes a man does not want what he can have.......but wants instead what he can not have. If you are always putting it out there that you want to be back together with him then he is more likely to avoid you.

 

Instead of chasing him down, ignore him. He has ended the relationship and you have to respect that and move on. If you keep pushing all he is going to do is keep pulling away. Move on, ignore him and show him you could care less about him. If he still has feelings for you then once he has his space he may want to get back together, if not you will have moved on and things will start to look better for you.

 

I know its difficult when you love someone and want to be with them, but you must respect his choice to end it and move on.

 

Walter

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Mentoring couples on relationship issue and self understanding. (JA's Relationship Mentor)