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Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18719
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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HOW DO YOU KNOW IF SOMEONE REALLY DOES LIKE & CARE ABOUT YOU

Resolved Question:

HOW DO YOU KNOW IF SOMEONE REALLY DOES LIKE & CARE ABOUT YOU , OR JUST USING YOU FOR THEIR OWN SELFISH NEEDS.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi,

If you can supply a little more detail about your situation, I'd be happy to help you.

What are your ages?

Why do you think this person is just trying to use you?

Has this person said he/she cares about you?

Thanks for all your additional detail.

Cher
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
THE DETAILS: I'M 29 HE'S 55 , WE ARE MARRIED, NOT TO EACH OTHER, AND WE HAVE CHILDREN, NOT WITH EACH OTHER, IT'S AND AFFAIR THING , MET HIM AT WORK , TALKING TO HIM , FLIRTING WITH HIIM, ANYWAYS, WE TOOK IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL LAST MONTH, AND I KNOW MYSELF IF I KEEP THIS UP I'LL GET FEELINGS FOR HIM, AND HE ALREADY TOLD ME THAT HE'S NOT LEAVING HIS WIFE OF 20 + YEARS, AND TO TOP IT OFF , HE'S GOT AN ADOPTED DAUGHTER WHO'S 15 AND HAS A LOT OF MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES, SO IF HE DOES LEAVE, IT WILL REALLY AFFECT HER .. ANWAYS HE TOLD ME THAT WE HAVE MORE OF A RELATIONSHP THEN JUST SEX. MY SON WAS VERY SICK A FEW WEEKS AGO, AND HE TELLS ME TO CALL HIM AFTE THE APPTS. TO SEE HOW IT GOES.. HE TOLD ME THAT HE DOESNT PRAY , OR GO TO CHURCH, AND DOESNT HAVE ALL THAT MUCH FAITH IN ABOVE, BUT WHEN MY SON WAS VERY ILL ABOUT 2 WEEKS AGO HE SAID THAT HE SAID A PRAYER FOR HIM , HE TOLD ME THAT EVEN THOUGH HE DOEST KNOW MY SON, HE WORRIES ABOUT HIM , AND HE WORRIES ABOUT ME TOO . SO, WHO THE f**k KNOWS REALLY.. I MAY JUST BE HAVING AN INSECURE MOMENT HERE MYSELF ??
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hello,

Sometimes it just feels nice to have someone be caring and want to please you, even though it's not your spouse and you know he will never leave his wife. However, think about the future; he has said he won't leave his wife, he has a daughter with mental health issues, and that sort of 'cinches the deal' that he will definitely never leave his wife, so even though he WAS very kind and caring to you when your son was sick, and I'm sure it helped a lot, to know he cared, and I don't doubt he really did, you know realistically, that the two of you can never be a couple, in the conventional sense.

I think he has come along with his caring attitude, at a particular time of crisis in your life, which meant a lot to you. I don't think he's using you for his own selfish needs, from your description of him. Remaining friends, etc., seeing each other at work and giving each other much needed emotional support, is important, but think carefully if you really want to continue to have an affair with him, knowing that he's staying in his marriage, no matter what 'level' your relationship reaches.

Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18719
Experience: Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
Cher and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
ALSO, HE BRINGS ME LUNCH EVERYDAY, WE TAKE OUR SMOKE BREAKS TOGETHER AND HAVE LUNCH EVERYDAY TOGETHER, THIS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME IVE BEEN UNFAITFUL TO MY HUSBAND, AND ITS NOT THE FIRST TIME HES BEEN UNFAITHFUL, I DONT MIND THAT FACT THAT HE WONT LEAVE HIS WIFE, BUT I THINK THAT MABYE ONE DAY . I KNOW ITS DUMB, BUT YOU NEVER KNOW .. AS LITTLE AS HE CAN GIVE ME , ITS A HELL OF A LOT MORE THAN MY HUSBAND AT HOME GIVES ME . SO I AM GRATEFUL FOR THAT , AND I TELL THE MARRID MAN AT WORK THAT TOO. HE IN RETURN TELLS ME THAT HES SORRY THAT HE CANT GIVE ME MORE , AND HE FEELS BAD , HE SAYS HE HATES THE FACT THAT HE HURTS ME, CAUSE HE FEELS LIKE IM PAYING FOR HIS f**k-UPS IN THE PAST . WHY DOES HE TELL ME ALL THIS STUFF.. HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY CARE FOR SOMEONE, BUT LOVE YOUR WIFE ?? A HAPPY HEART DOESNT STAY YA KNOW .. AND PS HE LIVES WITH HIS IN-LAWS .
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi again, and thanks for your reply and your accept.

I know it seems impossible, but many married men who have affairs will tell you they care for you (and mean it), treat you well, confide in you, as you mention, but still feel they are in love with their wives. They've gone through a lot together, have a child, and obviously is getting something from his relationship with you, that is missing from his relationship with his wife, but you're a different person with different thoughts and 'completing' him in different ways than his wife can/does.

He sounds like a very caring man, and is good to you, bringing you lunch every day, spending smoke breaks and lunch breaks together, and I'm glad he makes you happy.

Cher

You're right, you can never tell, but if a man continues a relationship with you, and tells you he will never leave his wife...I'd believe him.
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18719
Experience: Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
Cher and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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