How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask KimberlyF Your Own Question

KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
1572083
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
KimberlyF is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Ive been dating this girl for a while. Before her, I had

Resolved Question:

I've been dating this girl for a while. Before her, I had been in and out of relationships, never expecting them to go anywhere - just in them for the physical. I've always tended to jump into relationships, and with this current girl it was no different. However, she let me know early on that she wasn't going to jump into anything. She's professional, opinionated, controlling. So I've felt stuck in this role of not letting her control me, not calling as much as I'd like, not spending as much time with her as I'd like....all in the name of not losing my identity. We've even broke up a couple of times, and each time she has said she would change...and she has to a degree. If she truly is going to let me be me, and accept me for who I am, and not try to control me as much, how do I let down some of my guard and let her back in? She has done so much to show me she is changing...
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

As she does things to show you that she is trying to change then you should do one thing to show her that you are more comfortable with her. Being a professional she is probably use to telling people what to do and being in charge and it's hard to keep your professional life separate from you personal life. Try to have open communications and compromises but no matter how you try to work things out in your relationship it will never work if you don't have trust in it or in your partner, letting your guard down can unconditionally open your heart to many possibilities in a relationship, it can move mountains in your relationship and allows you to explore a long term relationship, it never makes you think twice, it can make you do things you never thought possible.

 

You can't say you will take care of her and always be there for her but after a few months you totally neglect her and makes her the least of your priority. In building a relationship, you have to put in the effort if you see her putting in an effort also. Don't say it for the sake of saying it. You have to learn to make your actions match your words. You can't say you will be loyal and truthful to her but after few months she sees you dating other women. In romantic involvement, having a credible integrity is significant because your partner's only way of trusting you is through your words, unlike in work where they have references and just base you on that but in relationship, when you say it's the past and you're a different person now, your partner will hang on to that irregardless of your past. So always keep in mind her feelings along with yours so that the way you have acted in the past does not come back to bite you.

 

Each time she shows you that she has changed then you do something to show her that you can be more trusting in her like if she doesn't complain about you hanging with your friends then you do something to show her that you are letting down your guard like let her know something about you that you would have never told her before. It's going to time and actions for this relationship to get back on track but honesty is always the best policy and she will respect you more if you are honest than if you were to lied to her and cover up your feelings all of the time.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
so call her more, give her more time, that kind of deal? I just worry that she'll get tired of me or something, I know it sounds weird, but I worry that she's going to reject me again like a the beginning of the relationship. Truth be told, I'd be around her a lot more if I wasn't worried about being told no, not this time...
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

That is what relationships are all about taking chances and believing that the person loves and cares about you enough to not hurt or reject you. Maybe if you told her about the things that you worry about. You don't have to do all of it at once but a little at a time will make for an easier transition for you both.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
KimberlyF and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency