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Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18518
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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I met my boyfriend online and we are very compatible and have

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I met my boyfriend online and we are very compatible and have fallen in love. We I first saw him I was shocked because he is opposite to my usual "type." He is a wonderful accomplished interesting loving guy. But he is much shorter than I am, and as shallow as it sounds, I have struggled with this. I believe I am overcoming my hard-wiring but I also want to be attracted to him physically, I think it is important long-term. One thing I KNOW would help so much is if he would spiff up his style, especially his haircut, which is like a 5-year old's bowl cut. It just exacerbates the height issue and doesn't make him look his best, XXXXX XXXXX over 50-year old sharp man he is. We discussed it, he reacted well, got a better cut and learned how to use product to keep his hair in the new updated style. The problem is, he just keeps "forgetting," he says, to use the product and do this and now the hair is back to Beaver Cleaver style and just plain looks silly. I can't seem to get over it. Advice?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 4 years ago.
Hi Sallyeve, and thanks for your question.

You are a very patient and fair-minded woman, to realize the fact that your boyfriend is a great guy, has a lot of wonderful attributes, and you are trying to diplomatically get him to change his 'style'. Because he accepted your advice re: his hair, and perhaps other fashion issues, it indicates he's not averse to your suggestions, which is good! However, it seems getting him to implement these changes on a steady basis, will be a challenge.

Perhaps a shorter or even different hairstyle, will be easier to use the product on, and take less time for him, so he can't 'forget' or feel it takes too much time to spend on his appearance. If you constantly complement him on how he looks, when he makes the effort, this positive reinforcement should encourage him to keep up the good work.

If, before you're going to see him for a date, etc., you speak to him on the phone, say, "oh, honey, don't forget to use the [gel, etc.] on your hair; it looks SO good like that!

If, eventually, you feel he's just not putting forth the effort anymore with his hair or his appearance, in general, and this is really turning you off, you'd have to decide if you'd like to continue the relationship or not.

I don't think it's shallow of you, and understand exactly what you're saying, re: the height and 'style' issue; if you're not physically attracted to a man, it IS important, long term. You've already started him on the right road, and now it's up to him to continue these new 'habits'.

Take a picture of him with his spiffed up new haircut with product, in a nice outfit, and show it to him, next to a picture of him in his 'old' hairstyle and clothes, and ask which he likes better. Try to tell him how 'easy' it is, for him to look this good every day, and it really doesn't take a lot of time. Compare the 'ease' of getting ready for a man, to the many other things a woman has to do, and tell him, 'you have it so much easier!', with a smile, of course! : )

I would advise you continue to try to make him see how he looks better when he makes the effort, and spends just a short time, on his hair, for example, and continue get to know him better to decide if you would like to continue this relationship or not. You need to feel comfortable in every aspect of the relationship, and feeling physically attracted to him, in order for the relationship to progress successfully, is very important, so give him a little more time, and then do what you feel in your heart, would make you most happy. His height, he has no control over; but the other things about his appearance, he CAN control, with your great advice. He has to want it.

I hope things work out the way you want them to! Please keep me posted, if you like.

Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18518
Experience: Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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