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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
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What to do when both of us are ready for children BUT he wants

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What to do when both of us are ready for children BUT he wants me to be a stay at home mom and I want to still work. He never felt this way before but I feel since a lot of his friend's wives stay home (we aren't married) that I should be the same way. I've explained to him, that I need to make sure in case anything ever happens that I am able to take care of myself. He said that I am being selfish by wanting to still work. I've explained to him that I've had family members who've done the stay at home thing and one had to go on welfare when her husband died and another took her loser husband back because he refused to pay alimony and paid a pittance for child support. He says I am being unnecessarily paranoid. We are at the point of almost breaking up which I think is beyond stupid considering how long we have been together. Can this situation be worked out or should we cut our losses.


There are benefits to staying home with your children especially being able to be there when they get home from school or taking care of a baby or if there is an emergency you are already there and can act in a moments notice but there are also much more advantages to continuing to work especially with the economy the way it is today, it's almost impossible for both parents not to work to make ends meet unless he has a great job that can support you both and you both not have to struggle to make the bills. This is truly something that needs to be worked out before even considering having a child. Too many children now come from broken homes because the parents didn't think about everything that comes with having a child like stability, finances, living situation. Make sure you are both on the same page as far as when you have a child and how you will both take care of the needs of that child.


As a couple it's hard to keep things going by yourselves let alone adding a child to the equation and it's very important that as a couple you are mentally and physically able to care for that child. What you will have to do is explain to your mate that there are great day cares out there that will care for the child while you work maybe check into those day cares and get as much information as you can about them and then show him also make a list of pros and cons as to working while raising a family and staying home while raising a family and then the two of you sit down and discuss those pros and cons you may be able to show him that it will benefit you both more to work than to stay home. Communication is vital to work through this so listen to each other instead of demanding sit down and talk calmly about this so that it doesn't bring you to the point of breaking up.


There are more pros of working financially and more pros emotionally staying home with your children but then the stress from not having two incomes will take it's toll on you both and could also break up your relationship so it's crucial for you both to sit down and talk about what your finances will be like if you stay home versus if you work and also a baby costs alot of money to care for it needs milk, diapers, clothes, insurance, day care, shoes, medicine if need be. Your mate is going to have to realize that you are going to need two incomes to take care of the child when it's born and that it's just not logical to think that one income will be enough but there is also work from home opportunities that you can think about and kill two birds with one stone, stay home and raise your child and still make money while doing that.

Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX we can talk calmly about this tonight. I have suggested an experiment this morning. I suggested that he pay all the bills next month, Everything-down to my school loans, car payments, gas for my car, as of right now we split everything down the middle. I want to see if he would be comfortable still paying for everything before we even put a child in the mix. Do you think this is a good idea? I want to be able to work this out between the two of us.


Try anything that will make things easier to talk about and won't have you on the verge of breaking up. You should also consider putting everything together if that is what you meant and combining both incomes and see how much money you have left over to help you make that decision as to when you have the baby and how to support it financially? If I've helped you in anyway please click the green accept button so that I can get credit for me answer.

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