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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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Okay where do I begin... My boyfriend and I have been together

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Okay where do I begin... My boyfriend and I have been together now for four years and the last two have been absolutly miserable. Every time that I start to leave and begin another chapter in my life he begs me to stay while over the last two years he rarely shown me any attention. He did not get me anything for my birthday or valentines day ( he says because we were fighting those weeks) which is why I am I am fed up with this manipulative behavior. Well, of course I took the higher road and did not miss hi birthday or valentines day! In addition he hasn't taken me to a dinner in the last year and the year before we may have gone to dinner a total of two times in an entire year. He says theat he doesnt have the money! However he spends every saturday dining with his best friend. Lastly, I have caught him giving my daughter who is sixteen abnormally too much attention and when she discusses her boyfriend around him he becomes uneasy. He also checks her out while I am not looking.....
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

You have to have your actions match your words if you are fed up and want out you have to mean that and then not go back because he begs you too he should have showed you the attention you wanted before it got to this point and if you feel uneasy about the way he is around your daughter then go with your gut instincts and don't wait for something disastrous to happen, he should not be staring at your sixteen year old daughter at all unless they are having a conversation but the way he is staring at her when you are not look means he is trying to hide it from you. If the trust is not there and the communication is minimal then why stay. When you say you want out mean what you say he doesn't take your feeling or you for that fact into consideration especially when he is mad at you and not buying you anything for your B-Day or Valentines that would have been the best opportunity to move on and find closure in the relationship so that you can find someone that will respect you and love you no matter how much you fight and argue. I suggest you tell him it's not working and that you have tried and it's just not doing any good, tell him the relationship is no longer healthy for you or your daughter and that you want and deserve better for not only yourself but your daughter also, how your daughter see how you are in relaitonships shapes how she perceives relaitonship and how they should be, if she only sees negative she will think about relationship as something negative. You are only 33 years old you are young yet don't waste anymore time on this guy if he doesn't appreciate you and the things you do for him, find someone that will.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I have moved most of everything but my furniture and some clothing and I am trying to tell him everyday that I have nothing left to give but he says "that Is why I want to leave" he refuses to admit to any of his own faults. I guess I am looking for him to admit to his issues and I want some closure. I know that this will never happen because he always finds ways of turning the problems back on me (e.g. you are jeoulous of your daughter, you have a green eye, you won't let me get close to you....which he only shows when I am ready to leave). How do I say that it is over in an intelligent way that he will accept?
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

You tried to do it in an intelligent way now you must do it in a way that he knows that it's over and that he blew any chance with you if that is what you want, you also have to let this be the end and not go back. What I would suggest is for you to tell him that you tried to work things out through communication and that he is not capable of having honest communication and that he is in denial about his part in the break up. You have to be stern so that he knows that his begging won't work this time if your are polite about it he will not take you seriously, he will think like the other times that all he has to do is treat you good for the time being and apologize without meaning it and you will take him back again, show him that doesn't work anymore. For him to even think to say that you are jealous of your daughter shows his mentality and he may not be ready for an adult relationship yet and until he can see his faults and grow up you don't need a man like this.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I do realize that I need to leave asap however I do not know where I am going....It is really all up in the air right now! Thank You for the advice it was very helpful....especially about the part where he did not care to see my feelings or concerns why should I care for his.

Yours,
Farrah
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.

Farrah,

 

You're welcome I hope I was helpful and if you are satisfied with my answers please click the green accept button so that I can get credit for my answer if you still need my help click reply it is free.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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