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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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My husband works away from home monday to friday, we have been

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My husband works away from home monday to friday, we have been together 19years and been married for 14. I suspect that he is having an affair because he's started switching off his mobile, concerned about his apperence and his behaviour towards me as sometimes changed, he gets angry easily. He says he is not cheating and gets very upset when i question him, he says he loves me and wants only me but he can't take anymore distrust from me. I have checked his cell phone and there is nothing on there but he does have a work phone that he keeps with him all the time, the credit card statements check out but last week i found money he had stashed in the car. Is he cheating or am i being paranoid.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

Even though he is exhibiting all of the classic sign of a cheating man you don't have the concrete proof that his is cheating. Of course, there is no easy way to know if your husband is cheating on you. Everyone behaves differently and act differently. Mood swings for no apparent reason is a good signs that your partner is cheating on you. You should know his behaviors and what makes him happy or sad, so be on the lookout for unusual mood swings and unexplained money being spent and also he leaves the room to answer the phone or hides numbers, if you want to know if your husband is cheating on you and catch him in a lie then you have to look out for those signs and make sure that you have concrete proof of his indiscretion and then go to him with the proof then he will have no choice but to come clean with his whereabouts and actions.

 

If your husband becomes more distant or secretive then this could be a sign he cheating on you. If you feel the communication is breaking down between you and your husband doesn't have much to say to you then this could also be a sign of his cheating. If this happens a lot and you still want to know if your husband is cheating on you, try and make note of when these mood swings occur and see if you can spot any patterns to catch him in a lie. If your husband doesn't give you a kiss when he goes to work or comes home when he usually does, this could be a sign of a cheating spouse and trying to distance himself from you. Watch out for changes in his behaviour towards you. Does he no longer want to be intimate with you? This will help you catch a cheating husband.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I can't watch for all the classic signs because he works away. He is not good on the phone so doesn't talk much anyway but he does send me lots of nice text messages. He only gets angry when i accuse him, Although we only see each other at weekends we do have a good sex life and that hasn't changed, he still kisses me all the time and wants to cuddle up in the evenings. He's concerned about his appereance but says it is because he is getting old, he nearly 40. in saying that he hasn't joined gym, his eating habits haven't changed and he has done nothing about his appereance just moaned about it.
What do i do because i know it is tearing us apart.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

If you want your marriage to work then you are going to have to trust that your husband is telling you the truth and that he is being faithful to you. He may get sick of being accused and actually do it, so you have to put faith into you marriage and trust him until he proves that he can't be trusted and then you start to question him. He may be being distant because he is away from you and finds it hard to get reacquainted with you and is finding hard to reconnect that is why it is important for you both to find fun things and romantic things for you to do to spark up the marriage again and again. Trust and communication is key parts of a marriage and if you don't have those two component the marriage is not going to work. So try to put your faith in your marriage and reconnect with your husband.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Our marriage has sparked up in the last month, He is not being distant he just finds it hard to talk to anyone on the phone. When he gets home at weekends he is fine, we talk, cuddle kiss and make the most of the weekend, it's just that the past couple of weeks i have these feelings in my stomach and i don't know if i am twisting things and tieing myself up in knots or do i have genuine reasons to believe he is cheating. The money i found in the car was just £30.00, because we are on a tight budget he said that it was so he can go to the pub after work with his friends because he doesn't like sitting in the one room he is living in whilst away.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

Again it's all about trusting in him until you find concrete proof that he is or has cheated and he may be telling you the truth about hanging out with the guys at the pub. When you are away from family and friends and the people you love it gets really lonely staying by yourself so you usually end up hanging up with people that you work with when you are away from family. If everything is good when he is home then I can't understand why you are questioning whether he is cheating other than your gut feeling. The old saying goes "Trust your gut feeling" but I don't think that is always true sometimes we think that our gut feelings are telling us the truth but really we are all human and make mistakes and a lot of time the gut feeling is just insecurity on our part. Trust is the glue that holds couples together. Trust provides a sense of safety and security in a relationship. When trust breaks down, people feel unsafe and insecure, and the glue that holds the relationship together begins to weaken.

 

There are some things you and your husband can do to rebuild trust. What your husband is going to have to do is be truthful with you at all times. No secrets. No hiding. Good old fashioned honesty is an important trust builder. Being honest is much easier than being dishonest because you always have to cover a lie with a lie. Open communication allows a freedom between a couple a loving atmosphere for nurture and growth. Respect caring and concern for each other, honoring one another and the bonds of your marriage. A relationship with a good amount of trust is likely to be long standing. You have to have self assurance that your husband loves and respects you enough to stay faithful while he is away. Also tell him you want more phone calls from him while he is gone and that this will help you to be more secure with him being away. If you are satisfied with my answers please click the green accept button so that I can get credit for him answers.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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KimberlyF
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Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com