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Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 20530
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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Hi, Im dating a girl for almost a year now. The way we met

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Hi, I'm dating a girl for almost a year now. The way we met was through school through a mutual friend. Before we started dating, she had dated 6 other guys before me throughout her life, 2 of them she cheated on.
The first guy she cheated on she was with him on and off for 2-3 years. She said she cheated on him because he treated her bad, in the sense of abusively (Not so much physical, but verbally and mentally). She cheated on him with her next potential boyfriend.
After almost a year, she cheated on the second guy because she said he was too much of a "mama's boy" and basically she got bored with him. She cheated on the second guy back with the first guy that was "abusive" to her. Then she cheated on him with me in the sense of kissing. She was trying to make moves on me the first time I seen her, but I would pull away. My question is, based off these events, is it likely that she will do it to me? Should I break up with her? Where should I go from here. We hit 1 year in sept.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 6 years ago.
Hi, and thanks for your question.

May I ask your ages?

Do you feel that so far, in your almost 12 month relationship, she has been faithful to you? Has she given you any reason to doubt this?

How strongly do you feel about her? Do you love her and can you see yourself making a longterm commitment to her, like marriage?

Thanks for any additional details regarding your situation.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
We are fresh out of highschool, both 18 years old. Well, I have doubts because of her history. Her experiences with her last 2 guys have made me a little worried that she will do this to me. She started doing the cheating after around a year, so it makes me question it. As for if I think she has cheated on me yet, I don't think she has, although I do not know. Her ex boyfriend (while they still dated) called her while we were at the movies, and she lied to him over the phone saying that she was doing something else. She says that she would never cheat again, but the phrase "once a cheater, always a cheater" haunts me. I have strong feelings for her and I can relate with her as like she was my other half. If I do make a longterm commitment with her, such as marriage, I want to know that I won't have any major doubts about it.
What sparked this is that her ex boyfriend (not the abusive one, but the "mama's boy") has recently tried to start talking with her again. She says that she is over him and thinks he is a stalker, but he called a friend of my girlfriend that he was going to kill himself since he couldnt have her any more, which resulted in her calling his mother to inform her. She had his number still memorized in her head after a year. Sometimes, she will bring up the names of her ex boyfriends to refer to a moment or of recent event. It sounds to me as if she still has feelings for the ex's. I don't want to be playing this back and forth game when I'm married to her with her highschool boyfriends, so thats why I analyze where we are in the relationship.
Expert:  Cher replied 6 years ago.
Hi again, and thanks for your reply with additional and helpful information.

You sound like a very level-headed man, and I applaud your intuition and logical approach to an emotional situation!

I agree with you that it might be difficult to trust her not to cheat, considering her past actions. If she's had 6 boyfriends before (or by) the age of 18, that says a lot.

If she seems to 'bottom out' as she approaches the year mark of a relationship, I don't blame you for having this possibility on your mind, at this time. Her keeping in contact with the ex's is of concern, and I agree with you that you can't really look down the line re: a future with her, if you feel she can't be trusted.

For the time being, since she hasn't really given you any reason to feel she's been unfaithful, let's give her the benefit of the doubt. However, it might be a good idea to ask her why she still keeps in touch with former boyfriends (and their mothers). Tell her that now she's with you, and it would make you feel so happy if she only thought of you and nobody else.

She sounds like a girl who knows what she wants, and goes after it, to the expense of other people's feelings. Considering what she's done in the past, re: her cheating, etc., unfortunately, I think there's more of a chance of her cheating on you, than not. I don't want to tell you to break it off with her, as a 'pre-emptive' strike (before she can do it to you), because you're in the relationship, you obviously care for her, and she seems to care for you, but you do have to protect yourself, so I advise just being aware of all her actions, contacts with ex-boyfriends, etc., and then deciding where you want YOUR future to take you.

It's a shame to be so distrustful with a girlfriend, but her past really can't be ignored.

I hope everything turns out well for you!

Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 20530
Experience: Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
Cher and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Thanks Cher, greatly appreciated. Just curious, but in your opinion, kissing is a form of cheating? She doesn't seem to think so and I have to emphasize my perspective to her. Could I be wrong?
Expert:  Cher replied 6 years ago.
Hi again, and you're most welcome!

Thanks very much for your accept and generous bonus.

In my opinion, kissing someone while in a longterm 'exclusive' relationship with another man, IS a form of cheating. No, you're not wrong, and emphasizing your perspective on the topic to her, is a very good idea.

Cher (please don't click 'accept' again, as the system will prompt; this is a follow-up)
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
No problem at all. I'm just afraid that I will become insecure constantly pondering all her actions of the day. Should I instill in my head that its a high chance of a break up so as not to cause great emotional turmoil?

I liked how you advised not to do a preemptive strike kind of move. The way her ex boyfriend got her number is XXXXX she called up there to his mother, so now he tries to make threats to me and basically says that he "still loves her and is a better man", and it seems as if he is trying to get a rise out of me. We have already informed the police of his harassments. They said they couldn't do anything about it. My last concern is what I could do to make her ex boyfriend stop harassing. Should I confront him myself? I could change my number, but that can become costly with my phone provider.
Expert:  Cher replied 6 years ago.
Hi again,

You hadn't mentioned her ex called YOU and made threats. I don't know why the police can't help you with that, especially if you had 'proof', like a voice mail, text message, etc., but if the threats were made over the phone, and you have no recording of it....however, using the phone as an 'instrument of terror' is also illegal, so ask the police about that.

I would not recommend confronting him yourself, but you can 'respond' to him and say, listen, don't call me anymore, I have nothing to say to you, and I've already notified the police. I wouldn't change the phone number if it will incur an expense for you.


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