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Kate McCoy
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1498
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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I started dating this girl at school about a month before school

Customer Question

I started dating this girl at school about a month before school ended. We both live in the same city during the summer. So, we continued to hang out every day while at home. After about two weeks at home I had to move 6 hours away for my summer job. While I was away we talked for hours each night. I brought up love, and we talked openly about it. she said that she could easily see herself falling in love w. me. The problem was that this was about a month before she was supposed to go out of the continent for 6 months. So she was afraid one or both of us getting "hurt". A few days later she stopped talking to me. I came home and she broke things off with me. It was tough at first but I understood where she was coming from. ultimately i felt that she made the right decision. I waited a week or so to talk to her again and she ignored my communication attempts. She finally responded to one of them saying that the closer people get to her the more she pushes away. Why is she ignoring me?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

-What are your ages?

 

-How long have you known her?

 

-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I'm 23, shes 20.
I first met her about 3 years ago. We were friendly and would talk but not close or anything. After a year or two I saw her again at my school (she goes to school about 25 min away from me) and we hit it off.

She was a few months removed from a 2 year relationship, when we started dating. The first night we hung out we just clicked, we hung out again the next night. And over the course of the last month of school we would go out to dinner and do things.
After a couple of weeks I asked her to be my gf. At first she said yes, the next day she called me and said that she thought long and hard about it. But she didnt want to become official bc she was going to be out of the continent for 6 months (study abroad). But she wanted to continue moving in the direction that we were.

So, we did just that. When we got home we hung out everyday for a couple of weeks before I had to leave for my summer job. While I was away we would talk, text, or ichat any and every chance that we had. then at night we would talk until we fell asleep. She even took my younger sister to a movie and amusement park while I was away.

After a few weeks of this things were getting more serious. I told her that I loved her and she said that she "could see herself falling in love w. me easily, but I wish i didnt have to go to away."

A couple of days later we were talking on the phone and she was stressing about not having a place to call home. Her family moves every 3-4 years. Her parents were interviewing for jobs in europe, and their house is on the market. She said the moves cause her to run away from alot of relationships and that she had a fear of commitment. But she said that its gotten alot better, and i took that for face value because she dated her last boyfriend for 2 years.

Later on I texted her about this dream I had had. I told her that if she had any doubts, let me know. And that I really care about her...

So the next day she said that she really likes me but she doesnt want a serious relationship, because one/both of us would get hurt. And said she didnt know what she should do. She called a few minutes later and wanted to ichat but i was at work. I told her that I would call her later that night.
I called and she didnt call back, which was the first time that had happened.
I texted her the next morning and told her that i was coming home for the weekend.
I drove 6 hours got home and still didnt get a reply until late at night
She called and broke it off. She said that everytime she has tried to make it work it always fails. I told her to come over, she did. We hooked up and tried to talk but she could articulate anything.

A week or so went by without us talking. I decided to write a letter, and tell her that I understood where she was coming from and that I agreed w. her decision. But I still care about her and that I wanted to stay cool w. her. Because I really did value her. She was different than any other girl that I have been w. And we just had this amazing chemistry.

Then a few days later I sent her a text and left a voicemail. She didnt reply. So I waited a few more days and sent her an email saying that I dunno why she is ignoring me, and that if its because of her deep seeded reaction to run away from relationships she needs to get over it.

She made a whole bunch of transparent excuses as to why she didnt reply. Saying that shes not that much of a little girl. and that the closer people get to her the more she pushes away.

I bought her a few things for her trip before things went south. and i asked her if she wanted me to drop them off or if she wanted to meet up.

I was hoping for us to meet up and just talk, not about us, but about stuff. and of course i was ignored. so i just dropped it off at her house the other day. I didnt get a response.

I dont know what happened, to cause her to just ignore me. She always said that she was happy to be with me because I didnt judge her and that was a change for her. we were always honest and open. And now i cant even get her to reply.

Whats going on? Why is she doing this? Is she bipolar (i dated a bipolar girl once and it was kind of similar to this)?
I just want to make sense of all of this.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Relist: No answer yet.

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