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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Ive been dating a man for a month. Were both newly out of

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I've been dating a man for a month. We're both newly out of long term relationships and mutually decided that we like each other enough to enjoy spending time together and see where things go. No pressure or expectations. Also, by my advisement, there would be no sexual component. Things have been wonderful. A few days ago, he told me that he really likes me a lot but he's not ready for a relationship. He just wants to be friends. I thanked him for sharing this and advised that because I am newly single, I'm not ready for a relationship either. But, I am at a point in my life where I'm open to it. So, if we continued the way that we were, and something more developed, I would be fine with it. However, as he wants friendship, that's fine as well. I can be a friend. But it is imporant to establish boundaries as I am not a friend with benefits. He still tried to hold me, touch my face and hair and kiss me. This is not platonic. He has called me several times since. What now?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.

Sacred Vessel,

 

Usually when a man says he only wants to be friends and then tries to get intimate means that he wants to be friends with benefits, so you are going to have to tell him that isn't your cup of tea and that you don't want to be friends with benefits but that may mean him losing interests in you and backing off so I would be careful not to fall into that trap just enjoy each others company and allow things to take it's course but be ready to have to tell him what the boundaries are going to be when it comes to being just friends and hanging out together as friends. He seems to be confused as to what he wants because of his long term relationship and how it ended, maybe if you give it some time he will change his mind about just being friends but are you willing to wait for him to be ready is the question. You're right you have to set boundaries and not cross them until he is willing to be more than friends and stick to them not giving in to being friends with benefits if that is what he wants.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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