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Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 20851
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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I have been seeing this guy for about 2 1/2 months. He is recently

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I have been seeing this guy for about 2 1/2 months. He is recently divorced (March) but was seperated for 2 years prior to the divorce. He has a 10 year old son too. This is a very new situation for me. When we met it was instant attraction both mentally and physically. I'm usually the one that moves too fast but he took the driver's seat and sped things up (talking and seeing each other often, meeting his son after 1 month, etc.). I went with it because it felt right, we felt right. Now, I feel like the past week or so he's kind of backed off. He didn't include me in any 4th of July plans w/ his friends/family and I felt hurt. I told him I felt left out and that it makes me feel like I'm not part of his life. He said he didn't feel that way. I told him that maybe I shouldn't be upset because we haven't discussed what we are (boyfriend/girlfriend) yet. We have yet to talk but I feel like he's a little freaked out on maybe committing? I don't know. Maybe it's too soon after the divorce?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 7 years ago.
Hi,Customer and thanks for your question.

I can understand how you feel something has 'changed' in his attitude during the past week, and you may be right that it's either too soon after the finalization of his divorce, and/or he may have a fear of 'committing' at this point.

If he felt comfortable introducing you to his son, so early on, you'd think he'd feel comfortable introducing you to his friends and family, but maybe he does want to wait a bit longer, until you've been seeing each other for a more significant amount of time.

I'm glad you were honest with him, re: feeling hurt, and if he said he 'didn't feel that way', in response to you saying you didn't feel like you were a part of his life, that's encouraging.

I think for the time being, you should give him his space, continue to see and enjoy each other, and then in another couple of months, if things are still going well, ask him if you are indeed, 'boyfriend/girlfriend' or where you're at in your relationship, and if you are 'exclusive'. You said "I told him that maybe I shouldn't be upset because we haven't discussed what we are (boyfriend/girlfriend) yet." How did he respond to that?

If you haven't spoken since that conversation, play it by ear, the next time you speak to him or see him, and don't bring it up again unless he does.

In the grand scheme of things, 2½ months is a comparatively short amount of time to be dating, but because you instantly felt 'chemistry' between you on many levels, it could be a good sign. However, if you feel he might be a little freaked and afraid to commit again, after being divorced, let him take the 'lead' the relationship, for the current time.

He also may have a lot on his mind recently, re: his divorce, being a single dad, work, etc., and perhaps his July 4th celebration included his ex and/or family members who don't know he's dating you (or dating at all) and that's why he chose not to include you.

Play it cool, see how things go in the near future, and continue to enjoy being with him. If it's meant to be, you'll know, but also remember that communication is key, in a successful relationship, so when the time is right, discuss issues that are bothering you and get his viewpoint on them. As long as you're on the same page, that would be great.

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