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Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 20857
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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My concern is over some recent friendships that I have had

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My concern is over some recent friendships that I have had and which seem to show little or no respect for me as their friend. My friend in the US of 18 years has not contacted me in 18 months and I miss her. Her mother was ill in Dec 2008 and I found out from making a call to her home place in Eire that this had happened 4 months after the event. My friend rang me out of politeness to explain the her concern was with her mum hence she never got round to telling me but she got round to telling her other friend 3 weeks after the event. To be honest over the past 4 years since she moved to the US I had noticed that her efforts in ringing me was becoming less frequent however she confessed that she would ring friends in the UK almost every week and me once or twice per year so this friendship was naturally coming to an end I think. I sent her an e-mail in Jan 2009 asking her why she wasn't speaking to me and I have never received a reply. I miss our friendship. Is their anything more I can do or just accept this friendship is over and move on?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 7 years ago.
Hello again,

It does sound as if this friendship is not going to be as it was when you were younger, and/or it might be coming to an end, as you suspect. However, keep in mind that as we get older, our lives become more complicated/busier, and sometimes friendships can't be as they were, before. We can still keep in touch, but not as often, and a true friendship is one where you will speak to someone after a long while, and pick up where you left off, like it was yesterday.

If you're under the impression this particular friend doesn't wish to continue to communicate with you, you can ask her why in a phone call, instead of an email, since you never received a reply to that email. It's also possible she didn't receive it, or she was too busy to respond. I have close friends who are also 'long distance' and it would be so easy and less expensive to communicate through email, but one friend tells me she just doesn't go online that often and doesn't have the time to email. We speak on the phone about 2-3 time a year and 'catch up'. We both have busy lives and understand the lack of time to always email or call.

The fact that this friend told you she has time to call other friends in the UK, etc., was hurtful to you, and she just should have apologized for not calling, saying she was busy with her mum's care, etc.

It's up to you, whether you don't want to keep in touch with this friend anymore. In my personal opinion, you don't have to 'end' a friendship. If you don't speak to each other for a long while, that's alright, if you still consider each other friends. If she doesn't have the time to call you, call her, when you're thinking of her and want to know how things are going. If, after that, you still don't hear from her or she doesn't return emails, etc., then you can choose to just let the friendship fade away. You always have the option to 'revive' it, at a later date, if you so choose.

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