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Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 20851
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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I have been dating my current girlfriend now for about 8 months

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I have been dating my current girlfriend now for about 8 months and we have been living together for about 3 months. I really love her alot and love her company. The only thing I can see about her that bothers me is that I think she complains about alot of things and it can be a bit irritating at times. It isnt always about something I done it will also be about things she went thru at work or any situation. I have a very low tolerance level for hearing or seeing a person complain about things especially if we are having lunch in a public place. I feel like it is a waste of time and I usually let things go very quickly if not instantly at times. So my question is how do I deal with her when she is like that without going over to a friends house for a couple of hours because I dont want to be around it. or is this a relationship I should not be in?
Hi again, turksman, and thanks for your question.

If you have a great relationship with your girlfriend and lots of things in common, and this one thing irks you, it might be a good idea to discuss it with her and ask her to try to cut down on the complaining. Some people's personalities are just like that, they're not aware they're doing it (all the time) and they don't think they're doing anything wrong or annoying others.

If you're afraid being so honest with her will put a crimp in the relationship, every time she complains, when you feel it's inappropriate, as you described, for example, while having lunch in a public place, say something like: 'Hon, (or whatever pet name you have for her), let's not talk about that now, what about.......' and change the subject to something more upbeat you'd rather discuss. You can also make short work of the subject by sympathizing with her, if SHE felt slighted about something that happened at work, etc., or making a perfunctory statement, agreeing with the situation being worthy of complaining about, but now it's over, so let's move your own words, of course.

As far as deciding whether or not you should remain in the relationship, you really have to weigh all the things you love about her and the reasons which caused you to first fall in love with her and want to be with her, against this one habit of hers, which drives you to distraction. She may not know she's complaining so much and if you bring it to her attention, with kind words, she might 'work' on it, although, as you know, old habits die hard.

If you have a good enough relationship with her, to be honest, tell her how you really feel about the complaining, and hopefully she'll try to curb that, in her conversations with you.

I admire you for being the type of person who can let things go quickly or instantly; many people don't have that facility! : )

I hope things work out the way you want them to.

Cher and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Thanks Cher I really appreciate your help in the matter.
Hi again, and you're most welcome; I'm glad I could be of help.

Thanks very much for your reply and your accept and I hope things go well.

Cher (I'm sending this as a request for information, so you are not prompted to click 'accept' an additional time)

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