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Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18585
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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I have been with my guy for 3 yrs. we have discussed marriage,

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I have been with my guy for 3 yrs. we have discussed marriage, and we both want that, but i sooner than he. we have lived together fo 2 yrs, and i just moved out last week at his request. he says that he needs space to sort things out. he also suggested a 3 month break, where we can date other people. I am just wondering if this is what's best? I dont want to not try, but at the same time, its so hard to think about being on a break like this. He said that he cares about me, doesnt want to lose me, but all of the puzzle pieces are not there. We are both 28. I wonder if he just needs to "sew his oats" so to speak. Also, should I suggest counseling, if he is suggesting space?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
HiCustomer and thanks for your question.

From your description of the situation, it does sound as if he wants to 'sow his oats', take some time apart, and be sure, before you take your relationship to the next level--marriage. I realize this may be hurtful to you, because you feel as if he's not interested in you anymore, but as he said, he does care about you and doesn't want to lose you, but he may be getting 'cold feet' re: marriage and a 'forever' commitment.

This is not an unusual situation, and typically men, more than women, become apprehensive when a relationship reaches the level yours has.

You can suggest couples counseling, and if he agrees, perhaps some fears or other things causing his apprehension, will come to the surface with the aid of a counselor/therapist. However, if his reaction to your suggestion is not favorable, don't push it, step back, and allow him his 'space' for the moment.

See how things go and don't lose contact with him, but at the same time, don't seem pushy. Let him guide the situation for the time being, since he's the one who requested the 'break', and play it by ear. If you both start dating others, you might find someone else out there who you feel you belong with, more than him. On the other hand, you might still feel 'he's the one', but you need to keep in mind that he will be dating others, as well, which I realize is difficult to think about.

You need to face the fact that you might not end up together, but after being apart, he may realize he doesn't like life without you, doesn't want to lose you, and things will go back to the way they were, leading to marriage.

In a way, it's good that he's recommending this, *now*, as opposed to getting married and then possibly ending up in a divorce situation.

All you can do now, is tell him his suggestion bears investigation, and see how it goes from there.

I wish you much good luck, and hope things work out the way you want them to.

Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18585
Experience: Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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