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Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
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I am a twenty-four-year old asexual girl. I have a huge crush

Resolved Question:

I am a twenty-four-year old asexual girl. I have a huge crush on a friend of mine, Patrick Haymes, and I know that he likes me as well. We have a lot in common and I enjoy spending time with him. We've been friends for a few years now.

The problem is, I would like to date him but I'm afraid that if we got too attached and started dating long-term then at one point or another he might expect us to take the relationship to the next physical level, which is something that I am completely not comfortable with.

As you can imagine, this problem relates not only to Patrick but to anyone I might like to date in the future. So I'm kind of stuck, and feeling a bit frustrated.

I realize that you might be as posed by this problem as I am, but if you can shed any light at all on what to do I'd be hugely grateful!
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi Annie, and thanks for your question.

As I see it, you have two options. You can encourage the dating relationship with Patrick, and let him know as time goes on, how you feel about him, and like spending time with him. Most men in a dating relationship will definitely want to take it to the next level, physically. You can be honest with Patrick, if and when this comes up, and tell him that you are asexual and not interested in sex. This may put him off or he may continue to date you, but that will be an unknown until it actually occurs.

Your second option is to not wait for the relationship to reach that next level, but if you do start dating, tell him pretty soon after your first couple of dates, that you're asexual and wanted him to know this right from the start and follow that with telling him that you love spending time with him and hope you can continue to do that.
This is what you'd have to do with any man you date, as you mentioned.

If you're asexual, this is part of who you are and any man that you choose to date should know this pretty early on, in the relationship.

I wish you much happiness in the future and hope you and Patrick get together, as you'd like.

Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18677
Experience: Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
Cher and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Hi Cher,

Thanks so much for your reply, it makes sense. I guess what you're basically saying is communication is key, and I agree, it is.

He's already asked me out; so I suppose my action plan now is to go on a couple of dates then tell him - in other words choose your option 2).

After that I guess we'll see what happens ...

Anyway, thanks for taking the time to answer!

Annie
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi again, Annie, and you're most welcome; it was my pleasure to be of help.

Thanks very much for your reply and your accept. I just received the notification that you had replied, so thank you also, for your patience.

Yes, communication is key and is *the* key to any successful relationship, so being up front with him, is best.

Best regards,
Cher (sending this as an Info Request, just so you're not prompted to click 'accept' an additional time as the system will prompt)

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