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Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18654
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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What should I do Is he interested or not

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There is a guy who showed interest in me, he comes to talk to me when he sees me in college, always looks at me and smiles when he is with friends ( which most of the time he is with them) but he didnt ask me for my number. I thought he fears rejection and since it was the last day in college, and I will not get chance to see him again, i then decided to ask him for help to look for a place for my brother (just to get his number) . I didn't want it to look obvious I want him, but he asked me for for my number instead and said we will keep in touch.He rang me the same day .I didnt keep the conversation going I was nervous. We talked a bit and he told me he would like to hear from me and that I should not prolong my absence.I also then reminded him of the help I asked him and he said he will ask his friends for info.I saw him the next day I was with a friend i wasnt looking very nice so i was just smiling to him and he was smiling but i didnt stop to chat with him ( he was coming toward us). After 9 days i rang him he said he didnt talk to me when he saw me in town because i was with my friend and he didnt want to embarass me i told him its o.k . I kept the conversation going this time teased him , laugh at his jokes .I asked him if he have news of a place and he said no (I just asked him any news and he thought I am asking about the place for my brother i asked him find)I then told him it was nice talking to you and let me hear from you and he said sure. He didnt call me and after 2 weeks i saw him in town we started talking and he asked me if he didnt embarass me wen he saw me with my friend by coming towards me and smiling i said not at all . He said he is confused about it and he just doesn't want to embarass me when I am with friends. We talked and he said i would like to keep in touch with you and know you better but I am not sure if its o.k with you or not. I told him its o.k with me .Its 8 days now and he hasnt called me. I am really confused with his behaviour. I don't understand him. What should I do? Please advice.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hello again, Malka.

It sounds like he does want to continue talking with you and seeing you more often, but he is shy and wants to make sure you are agreeable to his advances, so he doesn't feel rejected if he approaches and you indicate you don't want to talk to him.

You both sound like considerate people who care about the feelings of others, so it was nice that he asked you first, if it was alright if he rang you and alright if he spoke to you while you were with your friends.

It IS curious that he's asked more than once if he could ring you, has your number, and yet hasn't called you. Since you called him last time and he didn't mind, do this again, now, and see what his reaction is. Call with the pretense that you're asking about the place for your brother and then start talking about other things. If there is an event coming up that you could invite him to attend with you, like a concert, a movie, etc., then ask him if he'd like to go with you. Or, just ask him if he's free on a certain day, and go have a picnic in the park or go to a museum, etc. The point is, ask him to do something with you, but have something specific in mind.

Hopefully, once you start seeing him and speaking to him on a more steady basis, he will get over his initial shyness and feel more comfortable with you, and you with him!

I wish you much good luck and hope everything works out well.

Cher
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Relist: I still need help.
Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi again, Malka.

Do you have additional questions I can help you with?
Please let me know.

Thanks,
Cher
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Relist: I prefer a second opinion.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Dear Cher,

 

I haven't rang the guy yet. I was just not sure if i still have to mention about the place for my brother. It just might make him feel bad that he couldn't help me with this problem. He is very busy with his final dissertation in university. He is also sharing a flat with his friends( he told me that before) I don't know how many of them. I feel that he might be thinking I want my brother also to share with them a place ( I told him he will be coming soon from our country to study) because he is a student and it will be cheaper. we are all from the middle east and in europe now for studies and I think he feels its a problem he can't help me because his friends might not want anymore people in the house.I have told him also I share a flat with other students (girls). Also the other thing because we are coming from different arabic countries our dialects are diffrent and its really difficult for me to understand his dialect. When he knew he started talking in standard arabic so I can understand but that is very formal and I always laugh about it. I also started talking to him mostly in english now and when we met last time he also spoke a word from his dialect again that i don't understand and we had a laugh but then he said thats why i want to talk yo you in standard arabic. I also mentioned to him that I was brought up in africa thats why i can't understand other arabic dialects. I start thinking now does he feel uneasy because of the place for my brother I asked and if I should mention it again or because of the language. Please advice me.

Expert:  Cher replied 5 years ago.
Hi again, Malka.

If you feel speaking about the place for your brother again, will make him feel uncomfortable, then don't mention it; under the circumstances, if you think he will feel 'put upon' to invite your brother to live in his place, but there really isn't room, then I agree, it would not be a good idea to bring it up again.

As far as the 'language' barrier, if you could both speak in English, this would solve the problem, but if he feels more comfortable speaking in standard Arabic, and you do understand it, although it's technically considered 'formal', it will probably just be temporary, but at least it will allow you to understand each other.

There's 'non-verbal' communication also, with gestures, and actions, so if you can let him know, in any of these ways, that you'd like to just spend time with him, go for a coffee, etc., you will find a good way to communicate. Also, if there should be anyone you know who speaks both your dialects, you can ask them to 'translate' for you, so nothing is misunderstood. However, the 'fun' and enjoyment of all this is, you will be discovering more about each other and conquering your language barrier. Stick to English when you can, as you are fluent in it, and hopefully he knows a little, or more, and you will help him learn, if he needs help. Just 'being' together, spending time, for the moment, should be nice, and you shouldn't have to worry about language. You'll each be able to be understood by the other.

Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 18654
Experience: Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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