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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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I wrote a while ago about finding out my boyfriend was cheating

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I wrote a while ago about finding out my boyfriend was cheating on me back in February. He has since then moved out. He was to go back to school and we were going to remain exclusive to each other. Now, I just found out a few days ago that he was still cheating on me with the same girl. I tried to end it between us. He wouldn't let me go. He asked me what he could do to make it right. I told him that he needed to cut it off with her 100%. He confronted her and told her it had to end between them. The problem is, we all work at the same hospital. I am his first girlfriend and I am also 11 years his senior. He seems so sincere this time, but how am I going to even begin to trust him. This is twice. Can the third time really be the charm? He said that our sex life had been going bad. Since I found out, we've been having the most incredible sex. But I am stuck. Do I give him the third and last chance? Do I try to move on. He makes it so hard to let go.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

If he has done it twice now and didn't take into consideration your feelings and the way you may be hurting what makes this time any different you have to realize your self worth and realize you deserve better than he has given you. He may have told her it was over for your benefit so that you will think he is sincere but I doubt he will be able to get over her that easily not only did he have a physical relationship with her he had an emotional relationship also or else after the first time it would have been over for good. The fact that you had to give him an ultimatum after the second time, show that mentally he wasn't ready to give her up and was pushed to do so. You probably won't be able to trust him since they work in the same hospital as you, you may always be wondering if while you aren't working and he is if he is with the other woman. He should have had to prove to you that it was over between the two of them before you gave him another chance this only shows him that if he has another indiscretion you will forgive him again as long as he tells her that it's over.

 

Just make sure that if you truly are going to forgive and forget then you have to leave the past in the past and from here on in you have to trust him unless you find out otherwise with concrete proof that he is still cheating or talking or seeing the other woman but in order for this to work he has to cut off all contact with her except if it is work related because that is his livelihood and he has no other choice but to talk to her about something work related. It's not impossible for you to trust him again but it's going to take alot of work on his part to prove to you that he means what he says and also some self control on his part so that his cheating does not happen again. I'm a true believe that "once a cheater does not mean always a cheater" the cheater has to want to work be a better person and not cheat on their mate and have self control over his action and then and only then can a couple move on from this.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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