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KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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I am confused as to what to do, i love my partner and dont

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I am confused as to what to do, i love my partner and dont want to leave him. But my head is telling me that i being taken for a fool, however he is so nice and loving to me and says that he is totally innocent. But his story doesnt add up. He has also lied to me about buying clothes and spent £4,000 in one month up there? I am just writing this as a form of desperation i suppose
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.

Hi swillia

 

-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I have been with my partner for 8 years, and he has been working away for the last two. It came to my attention that he has been texting a girl. I rang the number and it went to answer message and i was positive she said her name was jemima. It took me 4 weeks to approach him and looking for more evidence, such as increased spending which he lied to me about, cancelling his mobile phone bills coming to the house, her phone number stored under a false male name and he phone always on silent or turned off im my present. When i approached him he gave me 3 different stories firstly it was an ugly girl that was a friend of his mates girlfriend to it being a girl name Sinead who has a boyfriend and he is friends with the both of them. He says he does not know who a jemima is. I also texted her in which he doesn't know and she confirmed that her name was jemima. I want to believe him but things just don't add up. He told me he lied to me not to worry me. I have been cheated on before by my ex husband.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Hi!
It states I have 3 hours left for a reply?
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 5 years ago.
Customer

 

I'm sorry took so long for me to get back to you was away and could not get a connect to a laptop where I was. With all of the evidence you have so far it could very well be that he is either cheating on you or contemplating doing so, if he is willing to hide little things like that from you then he is trying to hide something even more incriminating from you and you need to tell him that you know her real name because you texted her and she confirmed what you believe to be the truth and that his continually lying to you doesn't help him to gain your trust but makes you trust him even less than you did when you first found out about this woman. You have to make a choice to either accept that what he is telling you is the partial truth and choose to believe him or believe what the evidence is telling you and decide if you want to stay or leave him. If he isn't willing to be honest and come clean that you can only assume that he is cheating until you get concrete proof.

 

If he becomes more distant or secretive then this could be a sign he is cheating on you. If you feel the communication is breaking down between he and yourself and he doesn't have much to say to you then this could also be a sign of a cheating spouse. If he spends a lot of time on the Internet without any special interest in a game or hobby he pursues on the Internet or leaves the room to take phone calls and even goes outside to take the phone calls, it could mean he is talking to his lover or other women in chat rooms on the Internet or in emails or on the phone. To know if he is cheating on you, you could check dating web sites and see if you can find him on there. Also if he discontinued the phone bill going to your home then that is a very good sign he is hiding something from you. The classic signs are there and you have to let him know that you will not put up with such behavior and that he needs to come clean or you will leave if he cannot tell you the truth about everything. If he gets really defensive that could mean that he is truly trying to hide something and try to make you think it's all in your mind but you have proof.

 

It's up to you to decide what you want to do with the proof you already have and the classic signs he is showing you. If he doesn't change then I would suggest making plans to leave if he cannot respect you and your feelings then that will not change just because you found out about him. Maybe try talking to the female and see what kind of relationship they actually had, either way you have to get answers and then decide what you want to do.

KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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